


Eight-eight Key Symphony

by VeronAleen



Category: Babii, OabGun, offgun
Genre: Developing Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, pianist off jumpol, violinist gun attaphan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26872339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronAleen/pseuds/VeronAleen
Summary: One midnight, Off exists the restaurant where he performs every Saturday night, not expecting a cute little guy to proposition him for a heated twirl under crinkled bed sheets
Relationships: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat/Oab Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 12
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Suggested playlist: That’s us by Anson Seabra, Be My Mistake by The 1975, Somebody Else by The 1975

****

**_Last week of July 2019_ **

**_Bangkok Thailand_ **

**_Land of Something Restaurant_ **

_Three hours_

It’s been three hours since Gun arrived at the restaurant to celebrate the second anniversary of his relationship with his long-term boyfriend, Oab. The waiter has been eyeing his table for a couple of times now, wondering how long Gun might still be waiting for his person to arrive. Gun could feel pain in his chest with the thought that his boyfriend may not arrive any time soon and he might be staying just to wait for nothing.

The place is known to be one of the best restaurants in Bangkok. They serve authentic European pasta which is to die for. He stayed in London for almost half of his life to pursue his studies so when he came back to Thailand because of his parents’ request, Gun had a hard time looking for food that will suit his taste buds, until he accidentally visited the LOS restaurant, where he also met Oab. He then became a regular customer for years.

Historic brasseries with a contemporary version, surrounded by soaring arched windows that boast terracotta-colored stucco walls inset will shallow arch-shaped recesses. Land of Something will surely bring you London feels under your feet because of its wooden floor and wooden fold-out high chairs where customers can sit and eat whilst viewing how performers play various instruments on a medium-sized elevated stage. These are just some of the reasons why Gun always wanted to visit the same place despite new restaurants being established around the area.

It’s getting late already, and Gun could feel most of the daunting eyes are already watching his every move. The round table in front of him set with a red and white cloth, with serving plates and utensils which no use as of the moment for the plate was empty, just like the chair across him. He asked the waiter to fill in his glass and he watches how the red wine starts filled the space. It’s not the first time for him to ask for a drink—honestly, he’s starting to get annoyed that every time he’s calling the server, he will look at him as if he’s not going to pay his bill.

Gun jolted when he heard his phone rang. He immediately grabbed it when upon seeing Oab’s name flashed on the screen and it didn’t take him long to finish his wine and place the glass on the table before answering his boyfriend’s call.

“Oab”

“Umm, Babe I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll make it tonight”

He knew it—he was disappointed but it was no surprise for him that Oab won’t come. It’s not the first time for Oab to ditch him.

“For what reason?” Gun forcefully bit his lips; he’s been tolerating his chest pain since earlier. He was hopeful for hours only to regret reserving a seat for two.

“Something came up”

“What was it?”

“That…I can’t tell you”

“Come on, Oab, just tell me you forgot” Gun closed his eyes, waiting for Oab’s response, hoping that his boyfriend will say that he remembered their anniversary and something just came up. He’s still in denial as of the moment and if Oab will lie, Gun will surely believe him.

“I’m sorry”

Gun dropped the call after hearing the same words from Oab. He knows very well that Oab doesn’t have the intention to tell what’s actually happening. It’s been months and being annoyed is an understatement for he’s starting to hate him for real already. He doesn’t know what’s going on and it frustrates him that Oab couldn’t even tell him anything about it—if they have a problem, or if he was the problem. He stared at his phone as Oab tried to call him again, but his hands felt weak and his chest hurt enough for the younger not to answer him anymore.

He looked outside the restaurant, where trees and plants are decorated with yellow-colored lights, making the night a little bit bearable for him. He looked at them until the lights start to blur then he realized the tears starting to form in his eyes which instantly fell on his hot red cheeks. He doesn’t want to cry but the fact that he waited long enough just for him to be jilted on made him do so. He harshly wiped away his tears and starts packing his things, getting ready to leave—disappointed and hurt on how the night went.

Just when he’s about to stand up, he heard a soft playing melody which made him turn his eyes to the elevated stage in front. His eyes settled on the piano man, enchanted on how his fingers played with the keys. It was a soulful one—something that soothes his heart which is in pain and for some reason, he felt that the sound from the old grand piano comforted him as if it was a lullaby being played to make him feel better as if there is a connection between him and the music. He felt his chest relaxed a bit as he slowly gets back on his seat. He raised his hands, getting the attention of the waiter.

“Is he new?” Gun asked the moment the server stood up next to him. Confusedly, the server looked at the man playing the piano.

“No Sir. He’s been performing here for a couple of months now and he’s been playing for an hour already”

Gun nodded, but he still wonders why despite visiting the place for almost every week, this is the first time for him to hear someone as good as his. He played with an orchestra when he was staying in London, met several people who are known in the field of music and his ears could easily perceive such themes. He thought that maybe, he was so into Oab whenever they’re together, talking in their own world, not caring about the rest of the people or things around them—that was probably the reason why it took him long to notice the pianist.

“What’s the strongest wine that you may offer?” he said whilst his eyes still fixed on the stage. Gun never ordered a wine higher than 5% alcohol for he easily gets drunk but his heart is asking for it right now and he would like to grant its wish

“Petite Sirah, but it’s also the most expensive sir”

“I don’t care, Petite Sirah it is. I’ll pay”

The server bowed his head and proceed to get the bottle of wine he was asking for. Gun will be staying longer than he thought.

* * *

“Off, you did so well earlier. Most of the customers complimented you”

Tay greeted Off a warming smile the moment he entered their locker room. He’s one of the servers who has been working with him for months. Out of all the people working at LOS, Tay is the closest to him and he was grateful that he has someone in the place whom he can tell things comfortably.

“Thanks, bro” he smiled, but it suddenly fades as he gave out a deep sigh, making Tay look at him will a worried face. He knows immediately that there’s something that bothers Off.

“What’s with the long face?”

Off just shook his head hoping that Tay won’t ask for more questions because he’s clearly not in the mood for a conversation. He opened his locker, grabbed his clothes, and changed. He would like to go home and take some rest for he already had a long tiring day. He was just about to finish preparing himself when their locker room’s door swung open, revealing Jay who’s still wearing his server uniform.

“Hey Off! Dude, what a great performance huh?” Jay walks closer to him, opening his locker to get ready home just like him.

“Thank you” Jay looked at him with a weird face. It was rare for him to hear Off answering back at him.

“Did you eat something weird tonight? It’s our first conversation for this day” Jay smirked at him, but it’s not annoying, more like a sign that he was thankful that Off replied to him. Off didn’t answer anymore, instead, he fixed his hair, wear his cologne, and wore his shoes.

“You know what Off, you really did better than your usual performance. There was even a guy who decided to stay longer when he heard you play earlier. He ordered Petite Sirah and finished it on his own. I wonder how is he right now since it was the strongest wine we have here” Jay said without a pause, making sure that Off was able to hear whatever he said.

“I wish he could still go home straight if he was alone” Tay commented whilst sitting casually, waiting for the rest of them to get ready so they can all go together so he can lock the locker room.

“I think he was waiting for someone. I mean, he reserved a seat. No one will reserve a seat just to date himself, right?” Jay answered.

Off doesn’t want to listen to them anymore, so he humbly excused himself and told Tay that he’ll go ahead first for it’ll be too late already if he’ll still wait for the rest to get done.

He looked at the piano placed on the stage, covered with a white cloth. He should be happy whenever he sees his favorite instrument but for some reason, it reminds him of something he doesn’t want to remember. He looked away and took his steps out of the place.

When he reached the entrance, he saw a figure sitting on one of the wooden benches outside their restaurant, looking at the plain dark sky as if waiting for someone. He immediately remembered what Jay said earlier regarding the customer who stayed. He looked down, making his way out of the restaurant when he saw a pair of shoes in front of him.

“You’re finally out. I was waiting for you” Off lifts his head and there he saw a guy with flushed cheeks, obviously drunk because of how his eyes look droopy and his scent mixed with the smell of wine.

That midnight Off exists the restaurant where he performs every Saturday night, not expecting a cute little guy to proposition him for a heated twirl under crinkled bed sheets.

* * *

The room is cold with the AC turned on its lowest degree. The glass windows were fogging up but the white bed covered with a thick blanket was warm enough for two bodies exchanging trails of kisses and soft yet lewd moans.

Off is used to it already—being dragged on someone’s bed to do things that shouldn’t be talked about during daylight, things that should be kept as a secret between two people only to be forgotten the next day—but at this moment, it feels like he’s just doing it for the first time. His body felt light as he exchanged positions with Gun. He’s now on top of him and he couldn’t help but be mesmerized with his beauty; his eyes tightly closed, his plump red lips that he’s been kissing since earlier, and his flushed cheeks with his visible deep dimples. Off knows how drunk the little guy underneath him is, but he couldn’t care less for all he wanted right now is to feel his warmth wrapping his cold body.

He starts to move his fingers again, tracing Gun’s angelic face down to his soft-white chest. He gets close to Gun as Off grabbed his chin, commanding for another kiss. It was a deep one, their tongues moving swiftly against each other, savoring every part of their hot mouths. Their lungs start to beg for air and Gun wasn’t strong enough to hold on, so he gave in, cutting their kiss, letting Off’s lips rest on his neck, biting his sensitive skin. Gun’s soft whimpers pierced the silence of the whole room, adding to the tension built up within Off’s system.

Off’s now getting aggressive on the bed. He grabbed Gun’s left butt cheek tight enough for the little guy to flinch but he heard no complaint from him. Off lips keep on leaving marks on Gun’s body until it reached the smaller’s sensitive nipples. His tongue played skillfully, sucking his hardened nipples which increased Gun’s breathing and it sounds like a sweet melody to Off’s ears—he doesn’t want it to stop.

The taller went down to Gun’s legs, facing his dick, slowly jerking him off. Gun doesn’t know where to turn his face because of the pleasure Off’s giving him and it went extremely intoxicating when Off used his sinful mouth to play with him—there’s no way for Gun to keep his body still for Off starts to bob his head like a pro, getting him whole inside his wet mouth. The younger grabbed Off’s hair, moving his hips up and down so his dick could go dipper into Off’s mouth—it was hot, and he couldn’t deny that he likes being devoured by him.

“Fuck, you’re so… luscious”

Off couldn’t help but compliment Gun. It was the first time for him to use such words for he only cared about dirty talks. Gun’s features were so vivid in his eyes and he couldn’t get enough of him—he wants more of him.

He continued man-manhandling him, jerking his dick as fast as his hands can do, strong enough so Gun wouldn’t dare to do it on his own. Few more seconds and he felt Gun’s cock twitching.

“I’ll… I’ll gonna cum P’”

Off stopped and looked at him. Gun’s eyes which are forcefully closed earlier are now wide opened because of a sudden cease of pleasure. Off just smirked at him, watching Gun’s frustrated state.

“You ain’t gonna come, not until I fuck you until you can’t walk anymore”

“Then do it,” Gun said the bit his lip “fuck me hard until dawn”

* * *

**_Three Nights_ **

Off’s sitting comfortably at the backstage with his eyes closed, listening to how Neen plays with her Saxophone in front of the crowd enjoying their meals. He was just supposed to play every Saturday, but he asked their manager if you could play at random nights and their manager was glad enough to offer him to play every night, saying that his presence will bring more customers in the restaurant.

It’s been three nights since Off had seen the small guy who asked him boldly for a one-night stand. He couldn’t forget the night he spent with Gun. Honestly speaking, that night wasn’t the first time for Off to see the little guy at the place. He’s been working as a pianist at LOS for months and it’s enough for him to be familiar with the usual customers going in and out of the restaurant; he was sure enough that Gun is one of those people.

Gun is one of the reasons why he stayed at the place—it was a fact that only Tay is aware of. He never told it to him but Tay can surely read through his actions just like when he smiles whenever he sees the little guy. Tay is awfully annoying, teasing him most of the time whenever he has the opportunity, so he was left with no choice but, to be honest, and luckily, Tay was able to grasp the situation when he told him that Gun may be in a relationship already.

Off could still remember that one night when he was all exhausted because of some family problems he was encountering; it was the same night he was able to meet Gun who saw him clenching his chest and asked for Tay’s help. He was having a hard time breathing for he was overwhelmed because of the dispute between his parents. Being the only son of a family of musicians is never as easy as it may seem. It’s not like how most of the people thought it was—not as easy as laying your fingers on the eighty-eight black and white keys of the piano, like what he usually does—not when his parents are known professionals in the music industry, who played with the famous orchestra all over the globe.

Off was never thankful that he was a prodigy. It especially regretted the day when his parents discovered his talent when it comes to playing the ivories. He was just three years old at that time, and his parents were already fighting over his future. It was too late for him to realize that playing instruments isn’t the same as playing outdoors, where he can run whenever he feels like running or hide whenever he wouldn’t like to be found, instead, he was caged; he was trapped in a place where everyone controls and watches his every move, where he was conditioned to do better than the rest because of the gift given to him, to be on top of everyone because he should be as good as his parents, to play the piano not because he wanted to, but because he needed to.

He played for years with a heavy heart. He would lie if he’ll say that piano is not his favorite because it is the best instrument for him. He loves it when he’s being enchanted by the soft sounds coming from it, keeping him calm and there are times when he tends to fall asleep whilst listening. Those are the moments that he loves it the most. But that isn’t always the case for him; despite loving the instrument, it’s also the same thing he hated the most for it reminds him of how he was turned into something as similar to a robot who only follows his parents’ commands. He hates it whenever his fingers start to run through the pages of music sheets and play with the keys—he hates the sound it produces whenever he touches the sharps and the flats, he never produced colorful symphony, unlike the others. They were always bland, a monochromatic sound that no one ever dared to question—it disgusts him the most.

_“You play ugly. I wish the owner fires you”_

Off suddenly remembered those words and a smile instantly escaped from his lips. It may be insulting for others who will hear it, but for him, those were the best words he had ever heard of since he started playing the piano.

Most of the people compliment him, saying he always do better than the rest, giving him the most encouraging words he could ever imagine, acting as if they really knew how he works with the piano—fake, he never played great at all, he never did because he knows the hypocrites will swarm around him once they knew that he knows how to play the piano. People say that knowing classical music is as wonderful as knowing someone who can play them; that’s all they know. When in fact, those people aren’t aware of what makes classical music a classic one. They are familiar with the different compositions of the classical composers, but aside from that, nothing more—they think that classical music is some sort of crown that anyone could wear to show aristocracy.

Being a prodigy is already tattooed on Off’s name, he’s not expecting even a single soul to read through his notes and sees how fake he plays—until he met Gun. He was the first one who told him the most real words he’s been longing to hear.

“Oy Off! three more minutes until Nong Neen finishes her performance, it’ll be your turn soon”

Off got back to his senses when he heard Jay, reminding him about time. He opened his eyes and peek outside, looking for the same guy he’s been waiting for three consecutive nights, only to find a sea of strangers waiting for his turn to play with the grand piano.

_“I guess, he won’t be here again”_

* * *

Gun’s phone has been ringing for a while now, but he doesn’t have the courage to answer it. It’s been three nights since he decided to ignore his boyfriend not because he doesn’t want to talk to him. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure why he still doesn’t want to fix things with Oab right now. Maybe because he would like to find himself first, or give a break for the pain he’s been feeling after months of being hurt by Oab’s actions—but at the back of his head, he knows he was guilty of that specific night he did with someone, that night on the bed where he talked and did all dirty with Off.

He couldn’t forget about it. Gun knows what he did was wrong because he was still in a relationship and being drunk won’t be enough to justify his actions. He’s disgusted about the thought that he was thinking about Oab while having sex with someone else, that he was thinking of the best revenge that he could give to his boyfriend when he wasn’t really sure if he’s cheating on him or not—he hates that Off’s face is living on his mind and the way he moaned with his hands touching every part of him.

“I must be crazy”

Gun grabbed the pillow on his side and cover his face. He was so frustrated that he couldn’t get up on his bed. He would like to scream and rip his hair off from his head.

“It was Oab’s fault, it wasn’t mine”

His phone still keeps on ringing with Oab’s voice as ringtone, singing their favorite song. He would like to deny that he doesn’t like to hear his voice for he’s been waiting for Oab, to knock on his door to bring his favorite tulips and his favorite food like what he usually does.

Gun hadn’t eaten well these past few days because he couldn’t even manage to go back to his favorite restaurant, afraid that Off might be there and ask him about what they did. He gritted his teeth; he could feel his body getting weak because of not having enough meals aside from instant noodles and eggs he bought as emergency stocks. He’s getting sick of it already.

His phone suddenly stopped ringing, leaving his room in deep silence for minutes. Gun stared at the ceiling with his mind filled with clouds of guilt and anger towards his boyfriend. He’s thinking if he should say sorry if he should be honest or not—if he’ll just keep the secret on his own. He is always indecisive, yet always frank. But for some reason, he cannot be straightforward to himself.

He heard a beep coming from his phone, indicating that there was someone who left him a message. He picked it up and his eye immediately widened with what he read.

_From: Babe_

_To: Gun_

_Babe, I’m outside your door, please talk to me. I have something important to tell you._

His heart starts to pound, loud enough for him to hear it. He’s not ready, he doesn’t want to face Oab right now; not when he’s still trying to figure out things. Thoughts of his boyfriend getting mad at him, shouting, or screaming because of what he has done start to run through his mind and no matter how many times he shook his head off, he could still see it vividly. The possibility that Oab might ask for a break up because he knows what he did is unbelievable and unjustifiable by the reasons that keep on popping on Gun mind—no matter how much he denies it, Gun knows he fucked up things; literally and figuratively.

Gun got back to his senses when we heard the door of his room creaks—it was Oab, holding a bouquet of blue tulips that he loves, and a tub of choco-mint ice cream he’s been craving for days already. He totally forgot that Oab has a spare key of his unit and he could barge in anytime he wanted to.

“What are you doing here?” He said, keeping his face straight to his boyfriend despite being in panic.

“I’m sorry babe, I thought you were asleep, and I’ve been waiting for almost an hour already in front of your room,” Oab paused for a while and his eyes landed on the tub of ice cream he’s been holding since earlier, probably melted already, “I wouldn’t like to disturb you and I respect your privacy so,”

“So, it took you three nights to visit me and talk about it?”

Gun isn’t moving on his bed. He was immovable, still waiting for Oab’s response but he got nothing from him. Instead, Oab took his steps closer to him, placing the things on his hand to the mini table next to Gun’s bed. He then sat next to Gun, staring at him with guilt and desperation. He’s been missing the little guy for consecutive nights already and he would like to hug him tightly, but he couldn’t do anything about it since Oab knows what kind of person Gun is—he’s the type who won’t talk unless he’s ready. He knows that when if talked to him the night after he ditched him for their anniversary celebration, Gun will just throw a fit. But it’s been three nights already and he couldn’t help but wonder why he’s still avoiding him.

“I’m sorry, I was wrong” Oab reached for the hem of Gun’s shirt. He would like to grab him and kiss him tightly but he could feel the tension in the air of the room—it was weird.

Gun couldn’t think well. He just stares at how Oab holds the hem of his shirt but he couldn’t find the words to speak. He’s vulnerable when it comes to his boyfriend, especially when he’s trying his best to please him if he’s ready to pull down his pride for him, if he’s sorry for what he had done because Gun can see his sincerity—it’s his eyes that could always make him go soft for Oab.

“Babe, please…please talk to me before I go onboard”

“What the hell are you talking about, Oab?!”

Gun looked at his boyfriend, eyes widened, brows furrowing, teeth-gritting. He would like to hear it again, to check if he heard it wrong or if Oab’s just teasing him so he could get his attention, but when Oab’s words start to escape from his lips, Gun’s heart fell together with his tears.

“I’ll be leaving Thailand, babe. I’ll be staying in Canada for three months. My flight will be on August first and that’s a few days from now”

* * *

Off finished his performance for about an hour already and he’s been helping Mild at the kitchen, together with Alice. He often helps them whenever he would like to stay longer at the place. He’s just a performer but there are times that he would like to show how much of a good cook he is, so he sometimes barges into the kitchen and cook some dishes, especially, pesto.

“Oy Off, bring me the parsley and olive oil,” Mild told him while preparing a plate for a customer. He gladly gave it to her and looked at how she dressed the pasta.

“You did great earlier, Off” Mild said, as she starts to add the parsley on the top of the pasta

“You think so?” Off just smirked at her. He was grateful for Mild’s compliment but still, it isn’t the compliment he’s been wanting to hear. Mild just nod and gave the plate at him.

“Give it to the person at table 08, he’s been waiting for a while now”

“Why are you passing your job to me? My performance is done” Off asked, obviously teasing Mild. It was true that he shouldn’t be giving orders for it’s Alice and Jay’s job. Alice is just an assistant in the kitchen, so it’s a common job for her.

“Would you like to be banned here?” Mild replied with her hands on her waist, clearly showing her authority inside the kitchen. Off just raised his hands, signaling that he already surrendered, so he grabbed the plate and smiled at her, leaving the place as fast as he could.

Off’s nearing the table when someone caught his attention outside of the restaurant. He stooped for a while to checked if his eyes were just playing at him, but when the figure sat on the wooden bench where he saw him three nights ago, he already knew it was him. Off walked fast so he could serve the customer. He then went back to the locker room, grab his things, and left, leaving his co-workers confused.

He rushed out of the restaurant and run towards the wooden bench outside where he saw the guy he’s been waiting for nights. Gun has been sitting for minutes already with his eyes fixed on the dark sky. Moon isn’t visible because of the blanket of clouds covering its brightness but he likes it—he feels like the sky is covering his face for he’s been crying since earlier. He couldn’t find a place where he could find peace, to cry his pain away silently.

Gun felt soft hands at his back, rubbing softly. He flinched and turned his face back to find the man who’s been bugging his mind for nights already.

“It’s me…I’m sorry, I saw you crying,” Off said, scratching his temple because of embarrassment. It was his common habit to rub someone’s back if they are crying—it’s like his body acts on its own because he never likes to see anyone in tears. “It’s a habit, you know”

Gun looked away at Off. He doesn’t want to talk to him and as much a possible, he wouldn’t like to start a conversation, but Off’s been waiting for him to magically appear in front of him since then, so he wouldn’t like to let this opportunity pass. He sat on the space next to Gun and rest his arm on the side of the bench. He would give Gun some glances, expecting that he’ll react, but luckily, Gun didn’t fret. He just stared at the sky, trying to control his tears because he wouldn’t like someone to see his vulnerable state.

“You want to talk about it? I’m a good listener”

Gun kept his lips still, trying to ignore what Off said to him. He would like to scream at him so he could be alone, but for some reason, the feeling that someone worries about him made him feel at ease, so he just kept on staring at the sky, and try not to be swayed by Off’s words.

“If it something that you can’t tell me, it’s fine. Instead, would you like to grab some coffee? My treat”

They stayed quiet for minutes and Off was sure that it won’t lead there to anywhere when Gun wouldn’t even make a move on his seat, though it was evident that he would like to cry. So, without a single thought, he offered his hands to Gun, asking him to stand up on his seat but Gun just stared at it. He grabbed his hands which left Gun with no choice but to follow his lead.

That night, they stayed in a random coffee shop a few blocks away from the restaurant not expecting the next series of events that will make things complicated between the two of them.

* * *

**_August 2019_ **

**_Gente Café_ **

**_Bangkok Thailand_ **

“Are you nuts?”

Gun covered his ears upon hearing Jane’s sentiments. It’s been days since they’ve met because she went out of town with her family but it feels like instead of exchanging “I missed you” with each other, the first thing he heard from her is her madness.

“Jesus Gun, you’re crazy. Why would you do that?” Jane took a sip from her coffee macchiato because of her frustration given by Gun’s decisions.

“He said he’ll be staying for three months. Do you expect me to stay and wait for him when he won’t even tell me the reason why he’s been acting suspicious for months?” Gun rolled his eyes at Jane, “He left without explaining why he’ll be staying abroad! How do you expect me to react to that?”

It’s been three days since Oab’s flight to Canada. It’s been three days as well when he decided to ask for a cool off will him. Gun isn’t the type of person who would like to risk his heart at tough moments, especially since he already had enough of Oab’s ridiculous excuses. He knows that Oab won’t agree with his request, so he planned everything. He asked for space when Oab’s about to go board so he won’t be able to run after him anymore. Gun knows what he did was horrible and insensitive, but that’s the only way that he had thought of so Oab might be able to reflect while he’s in Canada.

Gun couldn’t deny that he was hurt too of what happened. They’ve been together for years and even had a plan of settling down on their own. He’s been giving him hints of marriage and Oab wasn’t stupid to know that Gun’s so sure about him already—and maybe that was the reason why his treatment for Gun starts to change—or so he thought.

“Gun, can you hear what you’re saying right now? When did you even get so selfish?” Jane raised her eyebrows, she couldn’t believe that Gun’s being so immature because he never did think of anything like this before, “Don’t you love him anymore? What happened to your plans of getting a family together?”

“Jane, I do love him still but it doesn’t mean that I won’t ever get tired of him taking me for granted” Gun bit his lips before continuing, _“Love won’t work anymore if the trust is nowhere to be found”_

Jane cleared her throat. She indeed hates Gun right now, but like what she has thought earlier, Gun isn’t the type who will easily give up to someone he loves, unless he had enough. She knows what Oab and Gun had gone through the years and she should say, it wasn’t easy. The fact that both of their parents were religious and take marriages as a sacred event. At first, they couldn’t accept that their sons don’t want wives but husbands, but they eventually got soft for the two when they witnessed how much they love each other.

“So, what’s your plan now? Are you even talking to him? what if he just visited his parents?”

“He’s been sending me messages, but it’s too early to reply. I asked his mom, but she said that Oab didn’t even tell them that he’ll go to Canada and that they haven’t met him since he landed”

“I hope you won’t regret whatever you had done”

Gun took the last sip of his drink before standing up on his seat “I won’t regret something that will give me peace, even just for a short period of time”

He grabbed his phone and placed it on his bag. Jane watches him until she realized that Gun’s about to leave the place.

“Are you leaving already?” Jane held Gun’s left wrist, but Gun removed it fast.

“Yeah, by the way, I missed you so visit my place sometimes,” He said and winked at his friend who’s still awed before taking his steps out of the café.

* * *

Off’s been practicing for his performance for this night. The whole place was reserved as a reception for a wedding and he was requested to play for tonight with the rest of the performers.

Truthfully, he’s not in the mood since earlier because he fought with his dad. His dad would like him to go with them and play abroad but he doesn’t like to entertain the idea. He hates that his parents still try to control his life decisions when he’s old enough to decide for himself. He’s been controlled for almost all of his life and he already had enough of them.

His hands landed on the ivory keys of the piano, it sounded awful yet strong, a sound that explains what he’s feeling right now. The rest of the staff are also preparing for the big event that will happen later and they’re busy enough to mind him playing. So, he kept on hitting the keys, not minding how horrible it may sound because as much as possible, he would like to retreat playing later because he’s afraid of how things may turn.

“I couldn’t believe I was enchanted by those sounds a few days ago” Off’s eyes widened when he heard a familiar voice. Gun slowly approaches the stage, whilst Off watches his every step. “You play ugly, why did P’Godji even hire you?” he chuckles upon seeing Off’s reaction.

“You know the owner of this place?”

“I do. We became friends even before you started working here”

It was a piece of new information he got from Gun. Off had never seen the owner of the place for Mike holds almost all of the things related to the restaurant. Gun and Godji got close years ago when Gun and Oab had their first date. Godji was the one who served them because one of the staff asked for leave for personal reasons.

“Why are you here? If you’re here to eat, I suggest you look for another place because the restaurant is reserved for the whole day”

“I’m not here to eat, I’m here to practice. P’Godji told me that P’White won’t be able to play the violin tonight”

“You know how to play the violin?”

Another question was added to Off’s wave of thoughts when he heard Gun’s answer. He couldn’t understand what he’s saying until he walked past by him and grab the violin on the side of the stage, where it was securely placed. Gun placed the violin’s body in between jaw and shoulder whilst facing Off. the bow starts to touch the strings of the violin and he played a composition from his favorite musician—Bach.

Violin Concerto in E major is a composition which is usually played by an orchestra or by solo. It’s a lively and strong composition full of surprises because of how the keys were composed-- a combination of an aggressive and soft symphony which gives more emphasis on how the violin can stand alone despite being a small instrument. It’s one of Gun’s favorite compositions because of how it could make him feel virtuous.

Off watches him for a few more minutes before his fingers start to play with the keys. He wasn’t even looking at the piano in front of him, but his fingers seem to move on their own. His gaze shifts from Gun to the eighty-eight keys of black and white his hands have been familiar off. Off closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the emotions building up in his chest. His piano which has been played solo for years had finally found a duo and it is something that makes him feel like everything’s a fever dream—it was something he never felt before.

They got the pauses and notes perfectly as if they’re playing the whole orchestra which reminds Off one of the reasons why he loves piano so much. Gun smiled whilst his fingers trail on the strings of the violin. He was used to playing with other musicians so it’s no surprise that he could handle having a duo with Off, but what makes his smile flash on his lips for a long time is the fact that Off could handle his weird way of playing. He rarely follows notes, he revises things on his own which makes it hard for the other to follow his swifts but Off, does it so naturally, that Gun couldn’t help but close his eyes too and go with the flow of the tunes. It was as if he’s been playing with him for a long time, as if their instruments were customized to sound good with each other.

The next thing that they knew is they’re already playing in front of the visitors, wearing their black and white tuxedos, listening to the appreciative applause of the people, and the loud beats of their hearts.

_For the first time, both of them felt happy whilst playing the instruments they’ve been living for._

* * *

“You seem close with him huh, it was him, right?”

Tay keeps on hitting Off’s arm, teasing him because of how he acted with Gun during their performance. He may not say it to Off, but he could clearly see how much he played at ease earlier, unlike his previous performances. Tay saw how he smiled from time to time at the stage and how Off threw glances to the small guy he played with.

“I like him. He knows how to make you feel at ease whenever you play” Tay said as he sat on the empty seat at the locker room. He’s already done preparing and almost everyone already went home. It was already 3:00 in the morning and they were exhausted for almost the whole day that he could already feel his back aching.

“Go find your own duo” Off replied with a smirk, placing his things inside his bag. He’s already done exchanging clothes because the tuxedo made him feel irritated and hot. He also wouldn’t like to go home wearing his black tux because it may look weird walking with it at dawn.

“You know I don’t know how to play any instrument. I tried guitar but it didn’t take long for me to give up on it since I couldn’t even remember the keys” Tay chuckled, so as Off. The atmosphere in their locker room feels lighter than it was. Probably because Off’s smiles and laughter seem to be more genuine unlike before.

“And… are you already together? Why would you start building fences around him?” Tay added just to tease his friend.

“Let’s go now, I’m done packing” It’s obvious that Off would like to avoid answering the question, not because he was afraid to expose what he and Gun had been doing for some nights, but because even himself isn’t sure of what they really are—maybe fuck buddies will be the best word to describe them but it sounds too ridiculous for him. He also knows that Gun just wants someone to accompany him since he’s still in the process of healing after he broke up with his boyfriend.

Off starts walking so Tay stood up to follow him. He plays with the keys on his fingers, waiting for Off to answer his question but he got nothing from him and Tay didn’t bother asking anymore, afraid that he’ll ruin Off’s mood.

When they went out of the room, Mike’s talking with Gun. When Mike saw both of them, he raised his hands signaling for them to move closer to their table. It’s almost dawn but Gun decided to wait for Off. He looks good on his white tuxedo, with his hair brushed up, making his forehead exposed. It’s a view that Off haven’t seen before even during their “activities” on the bed. He couldn’t even believe that a single night of mistake will be followed by more aggressive nights of fucks.

“You’re finally here, I’ve been waiting for you” Gun smiled when the two finally reached their table. Mike threw teasing glances at them and Tay kept on fake coughing behind Off. Off could feel his cheeks burning because of what Gun said unto him.

“You shouldn’t have waited,” He said, trying to keep his cool but his ears are slowly tuning red so Gun decided to tease him.

“Aw, but I don’t have a car so I was hoping that you may give me some ride” Gun moved his eyebrows up and down. He would like to wink but it’ll be too much for him to do that with others watching. Mike knows that he’s not together with Oab for days already, but he wouldn’t like to butt in with Gun’s business when it comes to a relationship because he’s also having a tough time making up with Godji.

“You know what, the three of you should leave already so I can close the restaurant and rest. We still need to prepare for later” Mike said, shoving his hands and the rest already got his point. So, Gun stood up on his seat and bid goodbye to Mike and then walks outside with both Tay and Off following him.

Tay isn’t stupid to feel Off’s glances at him while they’re walking and he couldn’t help but hide his laughter because of it. As much as he would like to go together with Off, he wouldn’t like to ruin a moment for his friend so without further ado, he waved his hands at them and run away as fast as he could leaving the two alone at the parking lot.

“Where’s your car? Off pointed his finger to the black car next to the large tree and Gun run towards it. Off unlocked the door and Gun went in, seating on the shotgun seat, locking the seatbelt on his body. Off just smiled at him, shaking his head because of disbelief. A few days ago, he couldn’t even start a conversation with Gun, but he’s now acting as if they’ve known each other for years already.

“I’ll bring you straight to your place,” Off said, as he steps on the gas and starts driving.

He’s been to Gun’s place already for times since he accompanied him in a nearby cafeteria when he was crying because of his boyfriend. The first meetings during his place were just for random talks, giving advises with each other like what friends usually do, ordering food and eating together or playing some random games on Xbox, but those meetings eventually got hotter and without them realizing it, they’re already doing things that only couples are doing, pinning each other whilst exchanging dirty talks on bed

Time passes by slowly though the street’s almost empty. Gun’s eye’s swifts from the car’s window to Off’s thighs. He’s not feeling horny, but he has always been playful with Oab whenever he’s driving and he misses teasing him—no, he misses him. Gun’s hand rested on Off’s thigh, making the taller flinched. He looked at Gun who’s smiling from ear to ear. Gun likes the reaction that Off’s making.

“Can’t you wait? I’m driving” Off said in between his chuckles.

Gun on the other hand doesn’t want to listen, so he held Off’s thigh tightly, almost pinching his skin under his pants. Few more touches and Off finally lost it. He stopped the car at the side of the road and stared at Gun, his brows knitting, trying to make Gun stop for playing with his emotions, but Gun couldn’t care less. He gave Off a flying kiss whilst his hand continuously touching his legs.

“You should stop or else, you may regret it” Off warned him. He knows that Gun’s just teasing him but what else can he do? The guy's soft hand makes him feel things and he could see his member starting to bulge in his pants.

Gun just shrugged his shoulders making Off annoyed. It’s clear enough that Gun wouldn’t stop teasing him so he grabbed his nape and starts to kiss him. Gun smiled with Off’s lips on his and it took him seconds before kissing Off back.

The first few seconds were aggressive, those were seconds of Off’s lustful moments when he wouldn’t like to do anything but to do Gun. He gripped Gun’s nape as if he wouldn’t like to let him go, his left hand moving on the crinkled tux of Gun and he would like to remove them as soon as possible but it’ll be hard since Gun wouldn’t even remove it on his own and just waited for him to do the honor.

“You should have changed earlier. It’s such a hassle” Off said after breaking their kiss. Frustration starts to climb up his head and as much as he would like to do things fast, they couldn’t because of Gun’s clothes.

Gun touched his cheeks and then slowly wrapped his hands around Off’s neck whilst looking straight in his eyes. Off couldn’t understand what’s he’s feeling when Gun starts to kiss him again. This time, it’s soft, like his lips are being pampered by Gun’s. The aggressiveness turned into a passion and he could feel his heart banging in his chest as if it would like to get out. He closed his eyes and felt Gun’s soft hands making its way on his back and it’s driving him crazy.

The feeling of lust he had earlier changed into something he couldn’t explain—he could feel his hands shaking whilst their tongues roaming in each other’s mouth, tasting mixed mint and sweets they had earlier—they should say, it tastes wonderful.

Off tilted his head, giving Gun an access to his neck which Gun gladly kissed, leaving traces of small purple tints created by his lips. It was easier for Gun to do some foreplay since unlike him, Off’s just wearing plain white shirts and jogger pants. Gun’s hand’s now resting on Off’s bulge, making him moan. Gun smirked because he knows how aroused the taller already is. He rubbed his hand on Off’s member and Off became a moaning mess.

“Off, want me to help you out?” Off nodded with his eyes still closed, waiting for Gun to work on him. Off had never experienced car sex before and although his thoughts are a bit hazy because of what Gun’s making him feel, he feels excited about the thought that they’ll do it in his car—they’ll literally have a good ride

Gun bent and pulled down Off’s pants, revealing his member leaking with precum. His finger touched the tip of Off’s dick and starts to stroke his hands to jerk him off. Off’s eyes were tightly closed, feeling the pleasure the Gun’s hands were giving him. he couldn’t help but grip Gun’s hair desperately when he felt his member inside Gun’s hot mouth. He never thought that having oral inside a car will be this good.

“Faster… Gun”

Gun started bobbing his head, shoving Off wholly inside his mouth. He’s almost gagging but he was still able to manage and moved faster like what Off asked him to do so. Gun rarely does oral, but it doesn’t mean that he cannot. It still depends on the situation and right now, since he couldn’t go bare for a short time, he decided to help Off out since he provoked the taller. Gun was shameless, but Off’s soft whimpers made him do better. Off arched his back, giving Gun more favorable access to his sensitive dick, allowing him to be devoured by Gun’s sinful mouth.

A few more movements and Off can already feel something building upon his stomach, nearing to his climax so he gave Gun a warning but the latter didn’t dare to stop until Off finally exploded. His cum dripping down the smaller’s lips, down to his white tuxedo.

“Fuck, I’m sorry Gun”

Gun wiped the remaining liquid on his lips and smiled at Off. “Let’s continue this session at my place? I want to change clothes to something more comfortable, or maybe, not?” Gun said, making Off chuckled.

* * *

**_Three weeks_ **

It’s been three weeks and Oab is starting to be familiar with Canada already. It’s a place of full liberty with lots of kind and friendly people. He loves watching how leaves from maple tree fall in the morning, with the cold breeze and sound of birds chirping. It was a sight he’ll always love to see.

He sat on the balcony of the house he had bought before boarding. He would like to stay longer in the place so he won’t have a hard time dealing with people once he finally settled in the country. His left hand holding on a cup of freshly brewed coffee he made as he watches the kids walking on their way to school with small bags on their back—he would like to have kids someday, and he thought, Canada would be a perfect place to start a family.

The smile on his face starts to fade when he saw a gay couple walking hand in hand, following a boy with a stroller bag. The view reminded him of Gun.

Gun is his first love and maybe, his first heartbreak. Their separation at the airport was heartbreaking enough for him but he thought that they also needed it for a while. He’ll be back in Thailand once he fixed everything in Canada and he’ll have a good talk with him. He knows that Gun still loves him so he’ll be giving him some time to think about their relationship.

He knows he did something wrong—being cold and not giving his boyfriend the time and attention that he needs, ditching him to some of their dates, and even their anniversary, leaving him confused and not explaining things before going on board. He would also get mad if he experienced the same thing, but he couldn’t do anything about it because it’s needed.

“Hey, Oab! Are you ready? We’ll be late dear”

Oab got back to his senses when he saw Alriessa down his balcony, wearing a long white floral dress with a small sling bag hanging on her shoulder. She’s waiving her hands and smiling at him wide enough to brighten up the day of anyone who will see it.

“Sorry, I’ll be ready in ten,” he said, loud enough for Alriessa to hear it outside.

“Yeah? Sure, I’ll wait”

Oab nodded, and went back inside with his coffee still half full.

* * *

“You’ll meet him again? You’ve been seeing each other for three consecutive weeks, what are you guys up to?” Tay watches how Off rummage on his locker, changing clothes as fast as he could. It’s been a view that Tay had been seeing for nights already every after Off’s performances. He doesn’t stay at the restaurant for a long time anymore, he wouldn’t help at the kitchen too, and there are times that he wouldn’t go home with him anymore like what he usually does. But Tay isn’t complaining about he could see gradual changes in Off’s behavior for the past few days. He gets to talk with others for a longer time, even his conversation with Jay got longer, and the best thing that he could observe about Off is the way he plays the piano—he now smiles whenever he plays unlike before.

“Nothing” Off replied as he hung his bag on his shoulder. The truth is, he’ll crash in Gun’s place tonight because he wouldn’t like to talk to his parents about him playing with them in Vienna by mid-October. He’s pressuring them about his decisions and no matter how many times he disagrees with them, they’ll still push it to him.

“Off, I’m worried about you bro. I mean, I don’t want you to be dependent on Gun. I wouldn’t like to see you get hurt”

Off was able to tell Tay what’s the set up between him and Gun, except for being “Fuck buddies”. He said that he’s the “one call away friend” for Gun and so as Gun to him—that they talk about random things that only musicians can relate with. It was a ridiculous excuse, but Tay bought it anyway and though he feels guilty about not telling everything to Tay, he was still grateful that Tay didn’t bother asking further about them.

“Don’t worry about me, I can let him go, anytime he wants to”

“What do you mean by that? Why don’t you try to ask him if you have a chance or nothing? I mean, things are probably done between him and his boyfriend, right? You said he already flew abroad”

“I’ll handle it on my own, Tay” He smiled at his friend before taking his steps until he reached the door of their locker room, “Thanks, bro,” he said, before finally closing the door and leaving the place.

* * *

"You haven't talked to him?" Off runs his fingers to Gun's hair. He stares at him with adoration and care. Although the question he asked Gun is something that may taint his ego, he still couldn't sleep well at night because of his conscience haunting him every night—he feels like he’s taking something away from Oab because he’s getting all of Gun’s attention.

"It's been three weeks Off, but he only sent me postcards and letters with random messages about how beautiful Canada is" Gun added whipped cream on his pancake with caramel syrup and some cherries on top that he got from his fruit basket. He rarely eats sweets, but for some reason, he would like to have something that may coat the bitterness in his heart.

Oab and Gun haven't had a proper talk after Oab left, leaving Gun in a void of confusion and desperation for an explanation about why he needs to be left alone. It's frustrating enough for him to know the fact that he needs to wait for months before his “boyfriend” gets back to Thailand and although he asked for cool-off, he could still see Oab’s ghostly figures in almost every corner of his place.

"I don't even have the slightest interest in Canada. What was he even thinking?" Off can read him easily despite just being together for a short period of time. He hates how Gun's expression easily changes whenever he remembers Oab, the way his actions go against the words escaping from his lips, the way his eyes turn dull whenever he hears Oab's name, Off hates it—he hates that Gun still remembers Oab whilst he's with him.

"Are you aware, that if you were able to tie a cherry stem into a knot with the use of your tongue, you're a good kisser" Gun stared at Off. The taller's eyes were far different from what it was earlier—they look empty and share as if they're piercing through Gun's skin, making him shiver, but he likes the vibe Off's giving him. Off reached for the cherry on pancake's top, dipping it whole on the whipped cream. He was careful enough so it won't fall on its stem.

"Want to try it with me?"

"Arrogant jerk" a smile escaped on Gun's lips, "I've already known how good you are"

Off shove in the cherry to his own mouth. His tongue starts to play on its stem until he was able to tie it into a knot. He then placed it in between his teeth, making sure that Gun could see how he was able to do it. Off then reached for the can of whipped cream on the kitchen sink beside Gun, twisting it until he could get enough cream on the tip of his fingers— Gun already know what's the next thing to happen.

"Are you seriously teasing me right now, Jumpol?" Off just shrugged his shoulders as he leans closer to Gun. He stared at the smaller's plump lips before plunging his lips to him, passing the cherry from his mouth to Gun's, tasting its sweetness.

Off then used his fingers with creams and trail it on Gun’s earlobe, down to his neck.

“It tickles, Off” He just laughs because of Gun’s body’s initial response. His neck is one of his sensitive parts that’s why Off love to play with it most of the time.

Off licked the Gun’s lobe, down to his neck, following the trail of whipped cream his finger had left, eating it completely, not leaving any trace. Off then lifted Gun so he would be able to sit comfortably on the space next to the sink, giving him easy access to Gun’s porcelain legs. The latter’s clothes weren’t revealing, but his shorts were short enough for his skin to be exposed. Off starts kissing his thighs, closer to his groin. He could see Gun’s member starting to bulge in his shorts so he didn’t waste any time and pull it down so he could give him a proper blow job.

Gun likes it the most whenever Off touches his sensitive part, but his mouth can do magic and could make him cum in a short period of time. The pancakes were long ignored already, and his lips would like something sweeter than the whipped cream and cherries he’s been preparing earlier. He let Off play with his member and the view is something that he would like to watch every time—it’s a sight he sees almost every night but he would like to watch it over and over again.

Gun could feel the tension building on his stomach and he knows that he’ll explode at any moment, but Off’s a pro in this kind of matter, and he would like Gun to suffer for a while, like the way he suffers because of his thoughts about him and Oab. So, he stopped bobbing his head before Gun reached his climax.

“Off?!”

“Suffer”

“What the fuck, I’ll make you give in”

Gun removed all of his clothes, leaving it on the ground of his kitchen. He then dragged Off to his room. He pushed him on the bed and climbed on top of him. Gun groaned when his dick touched Off’s body, still completely covered. He had gotten hard again after Off cut his orgasm earlier and he has no thoughts of sleeping until he gets what he needs. Off was also getting desperate already. He clearly said earlier that he’ll just tease Gun, but won’t have sex with him for tonight because he couldn’t think straight for the past few nights.

He thinks he’s slowly falling for Gun, but he knows his position and his role in his life.

But how will he be able to ignore the little Guy’s advances, especially when he’s this beauty in front of him? Off pulled him, giving him a fervent kiss. It was a long one—full of desire and passion. Off’s thoughts are still bugged with the thought that for Gun, they aren’t making love, but having sex. But Off doesn’t care about it anymore, he needs him, and he wants him.

Off pulled away from the kiss to remove his clothes until he’s completely bare in front of Gun. He couldn’t wait any longer, so he pinned Gun against the mattress. Off’s still cares for Gun’s comfort to he paced a pillow on his back to support him. He opened the small cabinet next to Gun’s bed to get the lube and a condom. Off slicked up his fingers on the lube, pointing it next to Gun’s entrance to prep him.

“You said I should suffer, then why do you look more desperate right now?” Gun smirked at him upon seeing Off’s eyes looking at him with desperation.

“You know it’s because of you”

It was too late for Gun to think of a response when Off slid two of his fingers inside him. He couldn’t do anything but whimper and hold onto Off’s broad shoulders, leaving marks from his nails. Off added another finger and Gun doesn’t know what to do anymore—he became a moaning mess by just Off’s fingers.

“I’m cumming… P’Off…” Gun managed to say in between his heavy breaths.

“Not yet, I need to get inside you first”

Off add an ample amount of lube on his member. He positioned his cock in Gun’s hole and slowly thrust inside of him. The first few seconds were slow for Gun’s still tight, but a few more thrusts and Gun’s already begging for him to move faster. Their moans synched together just like when they play together. Skin slapping and Gun’s cries sound like a melody for Off. It feels like a fever dream—having sex with someone knowing that Gun couldn’t love him back.

He shook away his thoughts and move faster, with his left hand holding Gun’s legs on his shoulder as support, Gun’s nails digging on the bedsheet. He felt like he was in cloud nine whenever Off hits his prostate, making him go crazy. Both of them panting, moaning in between their labored breaths.

“I’m going to…cum…Gun”

“Don’t… pull it”

Off doesn’t have any strength to pull his dick out from Gun anymore so he followed Gun’s request. Few more thrusts and they both reached their climax. Off rested on Gun’s chest for a few minutes, listening to Gun’s beating heart. He closes his eyes and feels the latter’s warmth. They stayed like that for a while until their breaths came back to normal. Off removed the condom and toss it in the bin at the corner of Gun’s room.

“Don’t you want to go to the shower?”

“Nah, I’m tired” Gun replied pushing him on the side of the bed and covering his whole body with the blanket. “I want to sleep, let’s sleep now”

Gun curled like a fetus and Off couldn’t help but smile. He lay down next to Gun and caged him in his arms, making Gun as the smaller spoon. They stayed next to each other for the rest of the night, with Off’s thoughts still vexed with Oab’s picture with Gun.

* * *

Jane faced Gun’s unit, rummaging on her bag for the spare key Gun gave her. She’s been trying to contact Gun for minutes already but the guy won’t even try to open the open. She isn’t actually sure if her friend is inside or not but she would like to crash in his complex to get some sleep after partying all night since her parents won’t open the gate for her.

It’s 6:00 in the morning, so if Gun’s still sleeping, it’s already given. Few more seconds of looking for the key, she was able to find it and used it to open the unit’s door. The lights in the living area were turned on so her eyes didn’t have a hard time adjusting.

She walks towards the sofa so she could place her bag on it but she noticed clothes scattered on the kitchen floor and pancakes left behind to get cold. Jane picked up the clothes and placed them on Gun’s washer. She also kept the pancake on the top of the fridge and cover it with another plate.

“What the actual hell. His place never got this dirty when he’s still with Oab”

Jane would like to sleep in comfort so she went inside Gun’s room. They sometimes share their bed with no malice since both of them are dating men. But to Jane’s surprise, another person was lying next to Gun, leaving her wide-eyed from what she had witnessed.

Gun moved a bit from Off’s arms. His eyes still adjusting from the light coming from his ceiling until he saw Jane staring at him and Off while both of them still naked.

“What the fuck is this, Gun?”

Gun thought that he’s just dreaming but when he heard Jane’s voice, his sleepiness went gone and all he could do is to cover himself with his blanket.

“Wait Jane, I’ll explain”

* * *

**_Last week of September_ **

**_2019_ **

**_Tay’s Apartment_ **

“You still aren’t confessing? It’s been months already. Oab won’t come back anymore, just go for it Off” Tay placed the chicken on the center of the table so they could eat lunch together. Tay couldn’t actually understand what holding Off back to tell what he really feels for Gun when he could clearly see that their feelings are mutual. He may be process things longer at times but he’s observant enough to tell that Gun also likes Off.

“He still likes Oab and he may be back once of these days”

Off couldn’t look straight at his friend. As much as he would like to confess his feelings for Gun, he’s afraid that Gun will avoid him, because he clearly knows that Gun’s feelings are still unsteady, unlike him who’s sure enough that he would like to be with Gun.

“How sure are you?”

“I’m betting my heart”

“You’re betting your heart yet you’re afraid to lose him? you’re not betting anything Off” Tay reached for the leg part of the chicken before he continued, _“You don’t bet for things half-heartedly when it comes to love. Take the risk or you’ll be killed by what ifs”_

“It’s not easy”

“You said it before Off, you can manage, that’s why I supported you all the way, watching you grow with him. This is why I couldn’t understand why you’re acting this way. It’s not so you, you know?”

Off bit his lips. He hates that Tay makes sense at times when he felt so confused. It’s true, he said it before that he could let go of Gun if he told him so but there’s still a part of him which would like to keep Gun forever, even just behind his shadows

“Did I knock some sense?”

“mmm” Off nods, and watches how Tay finished the chicken leg he’s eating.

“Now eat dude, you should eat a lot because you won’t be able to eat well once you got rejected”

Off chuckled upon hearing Tay. He’s just lucky that Tay knows how to lighten up the atmosphere.

“The wing part is mine, Tay. Don’t dare touch it”

* * *

**_Canada_ **

“When are you going to tell him Oab? We’re already done planning things” Alriessa said, reading a newly released newspaper with a cup of coffee on the table in front of her.

Oab sat across her seat, holding his own mug as he smelt the strong scent of coffee, he had mastered for almost three months already. Days had passed by fast and without him realizing it, he already needs to go back to Thailand and settle things with Gun.

“On his birthday”

“It’ll be too much for him. You’re too brutal” Alriessa chuckled, reaching for her coffee, “You left him for months without telling anything and you’ll show up on his birthday as if nothing happened?”

“He’ll understand, I know”

“What if he already likes someone? What if he’s not the same Gun you left months ago?”

Oab slowly placed his mug on his table. Those questions already crossed his mind for times while staying alone in Canada but he never did think of an answer for his mind keeps on telling him that Gun won’t change in a short period of time. Despite being away from each other, he still doesn’t forget to send him messages about him so Gun wouldn’t worry that much.

There are times that he calls Jane and asked for updates about Gun. They had a conversation for the first weeks but eventually, their conversation gets shorter until he already had a hard time contacting her. Gun wouldn’t even reply to his messages but the fact that he left him on reading is enough for Oab already to lessen his longingness for his boyfriend. Random hangouts with Alriessa also made things a little bit bearable for him. He just needed some time to fix things in Canada and now that he’s done with everything, he can now go back and explain everything to Gun—if Gun still likes to listen to him.

“He won’t exchange two years for a few months of hookups”

_“If you say so, but let me tell you this Oab, the heart is hardworking, but that’s also the reason why it gets tired easily, especially if not given proper care”_

* * *

**_Gente Café_ **

“I think you like Off”

Gun almost spit his drink in front of Jane. He didn’t expect that his friend will tell those words to him.

“Impossible” Jane crossed her arms and raised her brows at Gun

“You always talk about him, he’s always staying in your unit, you visit his workplace for almost every day despite your busy schedule, and lastly, you smile whenever you play your violin in front of him. I’ve only seen you doing those things with Oab. Gun, I’m telling you, you’re in love with your fuck buddy”

Jane observed how much Gun had changed these past few months. The childish brat Gun that she had known was slowly turning into a fine mature man. He’s also restraining himself lately to be too much frank, unlike the old days when he often gets into random fights because of his words. Those were just a few things Jane had seen when Gun hanged out with Off—she would lie if she says that she doesn’t like Gun’s new version because she loves it so much.

But the fact that the score between Gun and Off is vague makes him feel worried about her friend. She can read Gun’s actions towards Off, but she couldn’t do the same thing to Off because they aren’t actually that close unlike Oab. Aside from that, she also feels guilty about Oab since she has been trying to avoid talking to him for, she doesn’t know what to say whenever he asks about Gun. She knows she isn’t in the place report things to Oab before Gun do so.

“Gun, think about your feelings properly. It’s been almost three months, and the chances of Oab going back to Thailand is getting bigger as days go by. What if you try to get you back, who will you choose?”

Jane indeed feels at ease whenever Gun’s with Off, but she couldn’t deny that he still prefers if Gun will end up being with Oab. They’ve been in a stable relationship for two years and the fact that Oab still updates gun about his whereabouts means that Oab’s still into her friend. Unlike Off, whom Gun met just a few months ago and became his “friend” because of their bodies wailing for fuck. It’s not that she’s being shady on Off and Gun’s set up, it’s just that, she still can’t give her friend wholly to Off unlike with Oab. He doesn’t want Gun to get hurt.

The question that Jane gave Gun struck him like a lightning, leaving him silent for minutes. That question never crossed his mind so he never thought of an answer about it. He doesn’t like to lose Off for he became attached to him already, but at the same time, he couldn’t deny that ghosts of Oab still lingers in his memory. They are nights when he’ll look on their photo album together, scanning pictures they had to take when they’re still together—he doesn’t want to lose both Off and Oab and he doesn’t want to choose between the two of them.

“I don’t know”

“You’re selfish, you need to choose only one”

“I said I don’t know”

Jane stared at him for seconds before he gave out a deep breath. She could understand what Gun’s feeling right now.

“Alright, fine. But I would like to advise you Gun. The memories that your head holds might be different from the beats that your heart is humming”

“Too philosophical”

Jane smirked with a hope that Gun was able to grasp the idea that she would like to tell.

* * *

**_October 4, 2019_ **

**_Bangkok Thailand_ **

Everyone’s busy with Gun’s birthday. The whole LOS is reserved once again to prepare for one of their most valued customer and friend’s day. Gun isn’t aware of the surprise that all of them had planned. It was Off who first thought of the surprise and everyone agrees with him, especially, Jane. They don’t need to worry about Gun for Jane accompanied her to shopping, giving them enough time to prepare.

Off keeps on roaming around the restaurant checking almost everything from food to designs. He even asked Mike that he’ll be the one to cook Gun’s favorite pesto and Mike let him do the honor. It was Off who almost did everything, and some of the staff got so confused about his actions for they weren’t aware of Off and Gun.

He had thought about it a lot. He would like to confess his feelings for Gun during his birthday and ask him to be his boyfriend. He’s not sure how it’ll turn out but his heart wouldn’t rest anymore whenever he’s next to Gun. He’s sure already of his feelings a long time ago and he’s hoping that Gun’s feeling the same way too.

“I wonder where’s Godji, she should be here by now. She wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Off laughed with how Mike reacted. It’s been weeks since Mike and Godji got official and he couldn’t help but envy them. Godji is a bit aloof with him, probably because she’s not used to seeing Gun with another guy aside from Oab. But he’s glad enough that she never told anything against him or that she never butts in any of Gun’s decisions.

“She’ll get here before the party, don’t worry too much P’Mike”

Mike just nodded and they both roam around and check if everything’s already settled.

* * *

“Oab, you’re finally back”

Godji greeted Oab with a warm hug. Patting his head after not seeing him for days.

“P’Godji, I thought you were joking when you said you’ll come” Oab isn’t expecting anyone will pick him from the airport. He couldn’t contact anyone—he tried calling Jane and Gun but to no avail until Godji came across his mind. He’s glad enough that there’s at least one person who came or else, he’ll visit Gun on his own, without knowing anything.

“How have you been in Canada? You became more handsome Oab”

“You’re complimenting me too much. I might get used to it”

Both of them took their steps out of the airport, talking about random stories and Oab’s plan for Gun’s birthday. He’s excited, but at the same time, he’s afraid of how Gun may react once they met each other. Nevertheless, he doesn’t want to let another opportunity pass knowing that he could barge in his own party and took him away from everyone. The more he prolongs it, -the bigger the chance that he’ll lose Gun.

“I hope it’ll turn out well, Oab. I’m rooting for you”

“I hope so too”

Oab just smiled at her before they both get inside Godji’s car

* * *

“Gun’s coming!”

Tay signals everyone to go to their designated places. Off stayed hidden at the side of their mini stage holding a cake with candles already lit up. He could hear his heart banging and he feels like he’s about to go crazy because of too much nervousness he’s been feeling since earlier. This is the day that he decided to confess, and it’ll happen any time once Gun enters the place.

“What’s happening?”

Gun gazed in awe upon seeing the set up of the place. It looks like so much similar to that moment when someone reserved the place as a wedding reception venue. But what makes it different is that instead of white, the whole place is filled with green and blue—colors that he loves the most.

People then start singing the birthday song and Gun’s couldn’t help but jump in joy. He’s too overwhelmed that tears start to form in his eyes until he saw Off, carrying a cake with candles, slowly walking closer to him—he finally lost it, and his tears start to trickle on his face.

“Make a wish”

Gun closes his eyes upon hearing Off’s words and it didn’t take him long to whisper his wish in the air. He blew the candle and hugged Off for a minute before letting go.

“Thank you, Off”

Off couldn’t find the right words to tell so he just nodded and smiled at him. Joyful songs start to play and everyone dances along. Some of the staff played random instruments making the place more cheerful and light-hearted. It was something that Gun never experienced before since he usually celebrates his birthday with Jane or Oab. He also didn’t mind his birthday when he was abroad because he only cares about his studies, so he couldn’t help but get overjoyed with what’s happening right now.

Everyone’s enjoying each other’s company when Godji enters the place with a man no one expected to come. Godji’s smiling brightly but the happy atmosphere of the place starts to change when Gun saw Oab walking towards his direction, holding a bouquet of blue tulips he loves.

“Happy birthday, babe. I’m back”

* * *

“Gun, I’m sorry”

Oab held Gun’s hand, gripping them tightly as if he would like to let them go. It was the feeling of longingness he had been keeping to himself for months of being away with Gun. He would like to do more than this, but he would like to do it once Gun’s ready. Gun won’t give him any response at all. Both of them seating on the wooden bench outside the restaurant. Gun’s just staring on his own feet blanky, but Oab knows that he’s listening to him

“Sorry for not giving you the attention that you wanted. I was busy asking for your parents’ approval, I worked hard for the dowry” Gun finally show a reaction after hearing the word dowry from Oab, he wasn’t expecting that excuse.

“Sorry for missing our anniversary date, I was busy planning for the design of our engagement ring” Gun’s chest starts to ache, he could hear Oab’s words clearly and he knows what he’s trying to say and he doesn’t need to hear it twice

“Sorry, if I went to Canada without telling you the real reason. I bought a house and talked to my parents if they could help us with immigration so we can start a family there. I asked them not to tell that they’re aware of my plans because I know you’ll ask them. Same-sex marriage isn’t available here, but it’s accepted in Canada and I was hoping if we could adopt kids once we finally settle down there. I couldn’t cancel my flight when you asked for space because I needed to be there as soon as possible to process our papers and such”

Gun tears rushed down his cheeks. He doesn’t know what he’s actually feeling right now but he felt a sudden wave of emotions, making his chest tighten—he’s confused, scared, and guilty. He doesn’t know which of the three is overtaking him, but whatever it is, he hates it. He hates that he couldn’t distinguish it, that he’s feeling everything all at once.

“I’m sorry Gun, but all I ever wanted was to give you the best surprise for your birthday. I’ve never thought that while trying to do things just to keep you on my side forever, I’ll eventually lose you”

Gun saw how Oab knelt on the ground with an emerald box in his hands. Off’s been staring at them for a while now, and he doesn’t need to hear Oab and Gun’s words for him to know what’s happening. The moment he saw Oab on his knees, he already knew it—he lost, and he’ll lose Gun without even telling him what he truly feels. Pathetic, Off feels pathetic and he wouldn’t like to see Gun’s finger with a ring which isn’t from him, being congratulated by everyone for being bound to someone he loves but him, so he sneaked in the locker room and left the place without telling anyone.

Oab on the other hand, despite his whole body shaking, still managed to say the words he’s been wanting to say to Gun months ago. He knows he was insensitive for he still needs a lot of explaining to do, but he thought that tonight will be the best timing when both of them longs for each other’s touch—he’s confident enough that Gun will say yes.

“I know, you’re still confused and I still need a lot of things to say. But after months of being away with you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand another day without you” Oab opened the box, revealing a silver bind covered with small crystals.

“Babe, will you marry me?”

* * *

**_October 7, 2019_ **

**_Gun’s Unit_ **

Off’s been standing in front of Gun. It’s been two long nights of him ignoring and not seeing Gun because he couldn’t pull himself up to face him. It feels like to take the fall of pain and bitterness because of falling for someone who isn’t his, to begin with.

He got the spare key in his hand but his whole body’s frozen that he couldn’t even manage to unlock the knob and twist it. Off isn’t even sure why he hailed a cab late at night just so he could come to Gun’s unit. For the past few months, he had been too comfortable barging in his place without even thinking twice as if he’s also the owner, but now, it feels different. His feet were as heavy as his heart.

After leaving Gun’s birthday, he never had a proper communication with anyone, even with Tay. He won’t pick up calls and won’t even respond to his friends’ messages. He said he would like to be alone but during those two nights, he wouldn’t hold anything but his phone, staring at Gun’s number on his phone. No matter how much he would like to be alone, he would still like Gun to steal his time and tell that everything’s fine so he wouldn’t feel lonely.

Now that he’s in front of his unit, divided by a wooden flat surface, all of his insecurities about Oab starts to play with him, and the possibility that Gun accepted the latter’s proposal isn’t even helping.

Off thought that he still can’t face Gun, so he turned his back, ready to leave but Gun’s door open, revealing the short pale guy with exposed shoulders he had been missing for nights. Off didn’t know that Gun was watching him at the peephole of the door, thinking if he’ll open it up for him or not, contemplating if both of them are ready to talk about things after nights of giving space to each other, but when Gun realizes that Off’s leaving without saying a word, he wasn’t able to think straight anymore and open the door, revealing himself to the taller whom he would like to meet.

“Off…can we, can we talk?”

* * *

The atmosphere in Gun’s room became unfamiliar for the both of them. The air feels suffocating, and the nights of laughter they had together were long gone. Both of them never thought that they’ll end up being like this, but both of them know that the more they prolong the agony, the more it’ll slowly kill them.

Off walks toward the electronic keyboard on the side of Gun’s study table. He stared at it for a while before plunging the wire into the socket so he could play. Both him and Gun play at random days whenever they feel like it and it was Gun who bought it for him so they could play together without leaving Gun’s unit.

“Gun, let’s play?”

Gun was confused about Off’s real intention. He was expecting that both of them will talk things out, but he couldn’t bother starting an argument with Off, so he walks toward his closet and gets his violin. It was always Gun who takes the lead whenever they play duo, but this time, Off would like to take the lead.

“What should we play?”

Off didn’t answer, instead, he starts playing the keyboard with his eyes forced closed. He doesn’t need to look at the keys anymore for he had mastered it for years already. His fingers felt heavy landing in every key of the keyboard. He’s waiting for Gun to play along with him, but Gun was hesitant with how he’s seeing Off right now, being aggressive while playing. He’s not smiling, his eyes were closed tightly and he couldn’t even read his expression, but the melody coming from the keyboard was no sweet and jovial.

“I… don’t know what you’re playing, Off” Gun felt like the composition is familiar yet foreign for him. He would instantly know if it was a revised one for, he’s been doing it for years. But Off seems to be playing with an original composition, something that he hasn’t heard before, but amicable to his ears.

“You know it, Gun. I played this before in front of you”

Off’s still holding on the small chance that maybe he’ll be able to knock some sense to Gun. He knows from the very beginning that things might not work for both of them, but during the times they shared things in the same bed, he thought that maybe, it’s fine for him to feel vulnerable with Gun. The bond they had remains as a good memory for Off and even though it was hard for him to say, he’s aware that three months was too short for Gun to change his mind.

Gun tries to play his violin. His bow touching the string, trying to follow join Off’s playing, hoping that eventually, he’ll sync with him. But whenever he thought that he already grasps the way Off plays, another key will be added and they won’t sync again. The range of Off’s keys were being played based on the eighty-eight keys of the piano, though it was impossible since keyboard keys were far different from it, Off still manages to shift from flats to sharps and soft to strong melodies like a pro he had always been.

Off’s tears start to trickle down his cheeks the moment Gun stopped playing with him. It was the same composition he played that night when Gun got drunk for being heartbroken because Oab, the composition he played only for him, the composition that made him stay with him. He thought that once Gun will stay this time too. But Off couldn’t hear the sound coming from his violin anymore, making it harder for him not to sob. He saw it, the ring hugging Gun’s finger perfectly, shining glamorously, telling him that he’s nothing but a buddy under crinkled bet sheets.

After months of playing with Gun as his duo, synching with each other, making colorful symphonies, once again, he felt lonely with his fingers’ keep on hitting various keys. It’s black and white again—the monochromatic hymn that he thought he had forgotten is back.

_**He’s playing alone again** _

Off stopped playing turned to face Gun. Gun’s tears were also evident on his cheeks. He can now remember, the composition that Off was playing earlier. It was vague, he thought it was different because of the emotion Off was giving while playing—hatred, frustration, longing, selfishness, love. Gun doesn’t know how he’ll be able to handle all of those and without realizing it, he’s already crying.

“Don’t cry. I knew it already. I know my place”

Off doesn’t need any words from Gun anymore. His ring is enough for Off. There’s no use making Gun harder, for Oab could make him weaker.

“I love you, Gun”

“I’m sorry”

Off thought they could have been something, he thought there’s a chance for them to try, but it won’t ever happen, even in his wildest dreams, so he needs to get out of his life completely.

* * *

**_Second week of October_ **

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

“What the hell, Jumpol. I miss you, bro”

Tay acted like he was crying making Off laugh because of what he did. It’s been a week since he flew to Vienna with his parents. At first, they couldn’t believe that their son will come with them to play for orchestrate. They did everything that they could do just so Off will fly with them but he was firm with his decisions before. So, when Off told them he’ll come to play with them as a pianist, they didn’t waste any time and booked a flight before Off changed his mind.

“How have you been. You weak boy, leaving his country just because he got rejected. Now we don’t have any pianist anymore. Mild’s trying to practice her skills just so she could replace you for a short time”

“Impossible, she won’t even leave the kitchen”

“Alice and Jay are now the heads of the kitchen”

Off chuckled. He was aware that Alice is a good cook but it never crossed his mind that Jay will also be seen in the kitchen since he never stayed there even once. Mild is skillful too when it comes to piano. She was able to attend some piano lessons before, but she’s not that confident with the way she plays. He’s happy that his friend is slowly stepping out of her comfort zone, though it’s still a shame that she won’t be found at the kitchen anymore, dressing pasta and drinks.

“I’m fine. I’m doing good”

“Of course, you should, or else I’ll haunt you there”

“What makes you call this early, it’s still three am here. You ruined my sleep”

There’s a five-hour time difference between Thailand and Vienna. While he’s having sleep at dawn, almost everyone in Thailand is already starting a good day.

“Jokes on you. I know you haven’t sleep yet”

Off just scratched his nape. Tay can really read him well by just being friends for months. Despite living from different ends of the globe, they still find time to update each other about their lives. These past few days, he’s having a hard time sleeping because he’s stressed about doing a solo. Pianists are known to hold the whole orchestra, it’s a knowledge common for every musician and it’s hard to be chosen doing solo for once he hit one wrong key, everything will be ruined. It was far different from the times he had played on his own, or the times he played with Gun…

“You still thinking about him?”

“Gun?”

“Seems like he’s still living in your head for free” Both of them laughed, but Tay knows that Off’s still hurting because of what happened to him and Gun.

“Both he and Oab flew to Canada, days after your arrival in Vienna. Sorry for telling this to you very late”

Off already expected it to happen, but he still could keep his chest from aching and feeling things. His heart still beats for that particular little Gun he had met in his workplace whom he ended up falling in love with.

“It’s fine, Tay”

He gave Tay a bitter smile. His eyes are getting droopy and he would like to get some sleep already before the sun rises. He needs to have at least a short nap before going back to the stadium and practice the piece with the rest.

“You’ll forget about him soon, bro”

Off took a deep sign before responding to his friend.

“I will”

* * *

**_First week of January, 2020_ **

**_Canada_ **

“Hi babe, how long have you been waiting?”

Oab hung his hand to Gun’s shoulders. The latter has been waiting for him for minutes already, drinking his cold espresso. Sitting casually whilst watching the people walking outside the coffee shop. Gun slaps his hand and gave him an annoyed look. Oab just laughs at Gun’s reaction and took the empty seat across him.

“You should really stop calling me babe or else she’ll get the wrong idea”

“Who will get the wrong idea?”

Alriessa kissed Gun on the cheeks as a greeting. She’s wearing a beret, looking beautiful with her black high waist pants and fitted turtle neck. She sat on the seat next to Gun and clung her arms on his.

“You can have him any time. I’ll give him to you for free”

“Geez, I’m done with him”

“Umm, hello? I can hear both of you” Oab interfere, making both Gun and Alriessa laugh in chorus.

It’s been months of them staying in Canada. He thought that he’ll be able to finally settle down with someone. He was actually glad that Oab came back for him to explain things and try to make things work once again. He flew with him to Canada and tried to do the same things they had done before—enjoying dates, watching movies, visiting arcade shops, trying to enjoy and shoo away his thoughts about the pianist he met for benefits on the bed.

Gun was fine for a few days, but it didn’t take long enough for him to finally realize that Oab isn’t his goal anymore. It was true that he accepted his proposal out of his impulsiveness. He was confused for days, he thought that he was still longing for Oab’s embrace, attention, and love not until Jane’s words played at the back of his mind, repeatedly as if telling him something that he needs to stop being in denial. 

_“The memories that your head holds might be different from the beats that your heart is humming”_

He already buried those words from Jane because he thought it won’t ever be helpful, but it resurfaced when Oab pinned him on the bed, kissing him with passion. He felt different and awkward—Oab’s lips became unfamiliar to him, he’s not going crazy over his manly scent anymore, the way he touches him, even the way he makes him feel good—his heart’s not singing the same song with him anymore. It’s already humming a different name.

“I couldn’t imagine that both of you almost got married. I was stressed for months to plan for your wedding. I lost a bigtime client”

“Come on Alriessa, at least he’s now head over heels about you”

One thing that both Oab and Gun realized in their relationship that love isn’t measured through time. They may have known each other for a long time, but it doesn’t mean that they’re each other’s end game. They just stayed with each other to fill a chapter in each other’s book, but they weren’t each other’s ending. They've met to learn things and be better for the next person that they love. Oab told him that he’s starting to catch feeling for Alriessa and he’s supporting him with that without grudges.

_Oab was just a key in Gun’s composition, but Off's the whole song_

“Ok stop, please don’t partner up to bully me” Oab raised both of his hands, showing that he already surrendered before even starting an argument with both of them. “Speaking of head over heels, when will you do your plan huh?”

Gun smiled with the question. Both of his friends saw it so they start teasing him. He had been talking to Tay for days already. Although he had a hard time convincing him to ask for information and updates about Off.

“In the right timing”

* * *

**_January 20, 2020_ **

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

Off woke up because of continuous knocks from his apartment. He wasn’t able to get enough sleep so he stood up grumpy from his bed. He looked at his phone saw lots of people sending him birthday greetings. It’s Monday and he doesn’t care even if it’s his birthday. For him, it’s just one of the random days and there’s nothing special.

“God, who would knock into someone’s apartment this early morning?”

Off had been hanging with different people since his stay. His parents also allowed him to live alone because it was one of his conditions for him to keep playing his piano. He got no problem, but there are still times when he’ll remember how lonely he is, despite having lots of friends in his circle.

“I’ll kill him if it's Arm”

He said, scratching his head because of frustration. He went out of his room, still half asleep. He keeps on squinting his eyes and didn’t even bother to watch his face anymore. Few more steps and he’s already facing his door. He’s rubbing his eyes when he opened his door.

“What the h—”

Off froze, he thought his eyes were playing with him and he’s still dreaming. There’s no way that this unexpected visitor will be knocking on his door with a round cake in his left hand.

“Happy Birthday, Off. It’s been a while” A genuine smile flashed on his visitor’s face, showing his deep dimples on both of his cheeks. Off’s still in awe, swallowing despite not having anything in his mouth.

_**“Gun”** _


	2. Epilogue: The Silent Symphony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved you too early, so it’ll be easy for me to unlove you  
> You were the loveliest thing ever happened to me, yet the most painful  
> Too painful that I felt so numb, I couldn’t feel a thing anymore  
> Until I couldn’t feel you anymore  
> I’m sorry, you should at least know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested Songs:  
> Lie to me – 5 Seconds of Summer  
> Wonder – Shawn Mendes  
> Paubaya – Moira Dela Torre  
> Let me be the one – Jimmy Bondoc

**_Second week of October, 2019_ **

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

“You look lovely today, Aom”

“Thank you, Off”

“Honorifics?”

“P’Off”

Aom smiled brightly and Off couldn’t help but compliment her on how she looks today. It’s been days since they arrived in Vienna, but he still couldn’t get used to the place. It feels foreign—Vienna is as busy as Bangkok with people dealing with their own lives every day, eating meals and walking whilst holding their belongings, something that is a common view for everyone in any place. It shouldn’t have felt any different, but he’s still longing for the view of his friends every morning at the restaurant where he used to work for, the familiar faces that he used to live with for months, and that single person he had been missing for days.

“I’m guessing that you weren’t able to sleep well last night again” Off just smiled at her and take his steps towards his usual seat. Aom doesn’t need any words from him anymore for she already knows Off’s answer.

Aom is one of the violinists which plays with Off. She was the first person whom Off got closed with for she’s also Thai. It was more like a coincidence when they’ve first met. She was having a hard time practicing because her part should be played with the piano. Off heard her cursing in Thai because she was so frustrated about her piece. That was during their audition and Off tried to help her. Aom ended up being a member of the orchestra with him.

Just like Off, Aom’s family were also inclined with music, but she would like to prove to her parents that she can achieve things on her own so she never asked them to guide her along the easier path. This is the reason why Off became closer to her despite the short period of knowing each other. Close enough that Off already opened up to her about why he’s in Vienna—something that he rarely does. But Aom is the only person that reminds him of Thailand in this foreign place, and that’s probably the reason why he sticks to her without realizing it.

“Hey, P’Off would you like to practice?” Aom said as she brings out her instrument from its case. Off hit a key from the piano, indicating that he agrees with her. Aom ran her way and stand next to Off who’s now fingers start to run on the keys, making sure that every note sounds good.

“What should we practice?” Off asked, looking at the lady standing next to him.

“Guess”

One note, it took Off just one note for him to know what piece Aom will be playing—that’s how easy it was for him to read her.

“Can we play something harder? That’s a bit easy”

“I’m not going to play easy right now P’Off. Try me”

Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major, also known as Butterfly Waltz is a composition commonly played for weddings. The original piece was played with three violins, playing imitation parts. It takes three to play this piece to fulfill the roles of trendsetter or leader and sound imitators to create a neat overlapping effect. Though it’s usually played in three, it’s also possible to do a violin and piano duet for the said composition.

Aom bends her back a little, fixing her posture as she started playing with her violin again. The composition is soothing to the ears and anyone who will listen to it will surely feel like floating in the air. A mellow tone echoed inside the whole theatre, filling the air with lovely emotion coming from Aom’s string instrument. It was something that she’s been doing for years, enough for her to keep her eyes close as she’s being drowned by the vibration she feels in between her fingers.

Off, on the other hand, played casually like he always does. He has nothing against the composer, he idolizes Johanne for his masterpieces, but Canon D isn’t something he likes to play. The keys are almost the same because it was intended to imitate the keys. Off would like to feel some excitement, just like the excitement that he felt when he was doing a duet with Gun, the thrill of following his tune, his melody, his composition. He’s playing right now yet he doesn’t feel good, it was dull, like how it always had been before he met Gun. He misses it—he misses him.

Then Aom took a long pause, making Off look at her. He saw clearly how Aom’s delicate face starts to change. She smiled at him—no, she smirked and then her bow starts to touch the strings again, but this time, the tone was different.

“Wait, Aom, what are you doing?”

Instead of answering, Aom turns her back to face him, with the smirk still plastered on her lips. Once again, Aom closed her eyes, playing her violin, not minding Off. She’s still playing the same composition, but the tempo was a bit faster, and her fingers landed on the strings firmly, changing the whole vibe of the piece. Off’s hands are still on the piano, trying to find the best way to sync with her. The whole theatre is now filled with a different atmosphere. The mellow tune was long gone and it was too late for Off to realize that he’s enjoying Aom’s weird way of playing.

Anyone who will enter the place will think that they’re crazy. It was supposed to be a composition for Wedding, something soft, something which sounds sacred, but they’re ruining the whole compositions and instead, enjoying their duet. It sounds good though, but not soothing anymore, it’s more like a powerful tone, with pauses and surprises.

They eventually stopped playing with a wide smile on their faces, both of them felt satisfied with how they enjoyed their weird play. Aom sat carelessly on the floor of the stage with her violin still in her hand, Off follows and sat next to her.

“That was awesome” Off said whilst looking directly at her, “That was the best wedding song I’ve ever played. I never thought you can play like that”

“Never thought you can smile like this, P’Off”

Aom’s words caught Off off-guard. He didn’t expect those words from her and hearing it reminded him of that little guy he used to play with. He suddenly felt pain in his chest, but he tried to ignore it. He should be happy because he enjoyed playing again at least once.

“This feels like a déjà vu”

“In what way?”

“This is what I felt when I was playing with him”

Aom gave him a genuine smile. She felt happy upon seeing the man’s satisfied face. They might just have known each other for a short time, but Aom is also a musician and she can read Off well. She could feel no emotion whenever he plays as if he’s playing just to satisfy the audience, but never himself and she couldn’t help but feel bad for him, so she tried something that she had never done before. It was something like an experiment not only to test if she can go beyond her skills but also to touch someone’s heart and she’s glad that it worked.

“You should smile more often, you look good”

“Not going to do that”

“Why?”

“You might fall for me”

“Ok never mind, that’s the most ridiculous reason I’ve ever heard of”

“That’s why you should avoid playing harshly because I might start jiving in”

Both of them chuckled. The atmosphere was a lot better and Off already forgot that he wasn’t able to sleep well last night. They stayed sitting for a few more minutes until the rest of the members entered the place. He was grateful for this day.

* * *

**_Ottawa, Canada_ **

“Come on babe, Alriessa’s waiting outside”

Oab excitedly called Gun who’s still having a hard time picking his clothes. They’ll be vising the place where they’ll get married. It’ll be the first time for Gun to see the place because it’s just been days since they arrived in Canada and he’s still having a had time adjusting to the new setting he’s in.

“Oab, where exactly are we going though? I want to know which clothes will suit the place”

“Babe, just wear anything you would like to wear, it doesn’t matter”

“Oab, I want to look good. Imagine, that’ll be our wedding venue, right?”

“Babe, we’re not yet getting married, we’ll just be visiting the place, so just wear anything comfortable for you”

Oab tap brushed Gun’s hair carefully, hoping that his boyfriend will eventually stop overthinking. Gun nods slowly at looked at his closet for the last time before picking a casual pink polo, partnered with pants and black shiny shoes. Oab smile whilst watching Gun change his clothes. This has been his daily routine since they arrived in Canada and started living in the place which he bought for both of them. Everyday with Gun is special for Oab and he couldn’t help but be grateful that Gun didn’t throw away their two-year relationship just because of random fucks he had with someone.

Truthfully, when Gun decided to tell him everything after his proposal, he was mad but he couldn’t blame Gun for what he did. He knew he was at fault for leaving his boyfriend hanging and he couldn’t even consider it cheating, for Gun asked for space before he boards to Canada. Gun’s the most beautiful person in his eyes, the most charming and he’ll get surprised if no one tried to make a move to him. He was mad at Gun, but he couldn’t get mad with him for so long because he knew, from the bottom of Gun’s heart, that he regretted everything that he had done.

“You look beautiful”

“Thank you”

Gun smiled at him with his flushed cheeks. Oab holds his hands firmly—he won’t ever let go of his hands anymore “We should go now, babe. She’s been waiting for a while already”

Both of them went out of their house and just like what Oab said earlier, Alriessa’s waiting outside. She looks beautiful and jolly and Gun liked her since the first time they’ve met. Despite being a client, Alriessa acts like a casual friend and explains everything to him with a smile, that’s why she slowly got fond of the lady.

Their whole travel to the venue is quiet. Gun kept his eyes straight outside the car, watching the solemn and peaceful outskirts of the town. It was a beautiful scene he had been watching for days whenever Oab and he would visit some places or shops in Canada. He wasn’t used to it for he’s been in Bangkok for a long time, and everywhere he goes is either busy or noisy, yet Canada reminds him of the times when he and Off would go for a walk at night, when no one seems to care at them, watching the stars whilst playing with his violin accompanied by Off’s downloaded keyboard app on his phone—it was solemn too, peaceful and quiet.

Few more hours until they finally arrived at the venue. Gun was surprised when he saw various types of yacht. He looked at Oab confused because apparently, they’re standing near the shore, looking at the vast calm see.

“I thought we’ll be visiting the venue, why are we here Oab?”

“Gun, welcome to Pacific Yacht Charters. You’ll get to pick one of the yachts where you would like the ceremony to happen” Alriessa butts in. She knows better than Oab because she’s the head planner for their wedding.

“What do you mean? We’re going to get married on a yacht?”

“Yes babe, we will. And I would like you to pick the yacht where we’ll be exchanging vows”

Oab personally chose Pacific Yacht Charters to handle their wedding. Oab knew that Gun would like the place because he likes beaches. He remembered one time when Gun was giving him hints about their marriage, his boyfriend told him that he would like to have a beach wedding for the two of them but Oab would like to do something beyond that. He would like to give Gun the best wedding he’ll ever imagine, so he decided to inquire in the place and he fell in love with the view.

He can imagine climbing aboard an elegant yacht with Gun, with their families waiting for the both of them to exchange vows as the sun sets over the ocean until they get to lay down whilst dreaming under the blanket of stars. That’s what he would like to offer to Gun, a special and memorable event for both of them in a place where Gun will love—the ocean.

“This is too much for a wedding, Oab”

“This is nothing compared to living a special life with you”

“I don’t need a luxurious wedding”

“But I want you to have it”

Gun suddenly felt pain in his chest. He wasn’t sure if it was because of excitement or nervousness because of what Oab’s doing for him. He’s happy, but for some reason, he’s having a hard time comprehending the wave of emotion he’s feeling right now. He couldn’t feel the exact words to describe it, he doesn’t know what to say to Oab who’s smiling brightly in front of him, waiting for the words which will escape from his lips.

“Thank you Oab”

“I love you babe”

Oab smiled at him and held his hands. They felt soft and warm, but it made the pain in his chest worse so Gun pulled his hands and walk towards the first yacht which catches his attention.

“I want to see that one”

Oab nodded and one of the staff guided Gun, leaving Alriessa and Oab standing behind him. Oab bit his lips—he was expecting an I love you from Gun, but instead, he got nothing. He shook his head and took a deep breath, and then smiled again.

“Let’s go Alriessa?”

Alriessa didn’t say a word. She just took a few steps before Oab followed her. She felt bad, she has seen lots of this case before because of being an event organizer. As much as she would like to warn both of them, she knows that she’s a professional and whatever she is thinking is not a part of her job anymore.

“Oab, one of these days, you’ll be needing to choose between two things”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, never mind”

* * *

**_Last Week of October, 2019_ **

**_Bangkok, Thailand_ **

**_LOS Restaurant_ **

“Godji, Oab sent you an email”

“An email?”

“Wedding invitation”

Godji excitedly rand towards the table where Mike’s sitting. She’s been waiting for Oab’s email for her. They talked about it last time, and she was beyond happy for her friends. She smiled and genuine happiness is evident on her face, but Mike, on the other hand, is feeling bad upon seeing the virtual invitation.

“They’re getting married, Mike”

“Yeah, will you be going to Canada for this?”

“I will, of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

Godji giggles because of the thought that she’ll be visiting Canada to attend a wedding and the fact that she’ll be leaving the busy country of Bangkok to have some leisure time. As much as possible, Mike wouldn’t like her to go, not only because the event will happen during the peak season and the Land of Something will be busier than usual, but because he might be alone during Christmas. Their dates are almost full of bookings, and he’ll surely feel lonely once the love of his life will leave for a week or two.

“I don’t want you to leave though”

“I told you, you can just come with me and Jane, and leave the place to Tay’s hand. He can manage this”

“I told you, I don’t want to”

“Do you still feel bad about them?”

Mike had been a witness for months of Off and Gun’s set up and Godji knows it very well. It was no surprise for her boyfriend to feel bad about the ending of Off and Gun. Truthfully, Godji already grew fond of Off and she thought that there could be some miracle and Gun will choose the latter over Oab. But maybe, two years of being in a relationship will always win against three months of attachments. She already got over it, but for Mike, it was something that he still couldn’t comprehend—how Gun looks happy and fulfilled with Off’s presence, how Gun smiled at Off during the times when he felt down and Oab wasn’t around, and how Gun looked and cried for him after he found out that Off went to Vienna. It’s something that keeps on haunting him.

“I don’t know, honestly, hon”

“They’re old enough to know which is right or wrong, old enough to be accountable for their decisions. Just trust them”

“Do you trust them?”

“I do”

“Do you trust me?”

Godji stared at her boyfriend confused. She watches as Mike pulls a leaf from the air plant placed at the center of the table and tied each end into a knot, forming a small circle in between. He then knelt on the ground, facing Godji who’s still awed with Mike’s sudden actions.

“I promise to give you a real thing

“What the hell, are you proposing?”

“I am, but if you’re not yet ready, I won’t push you” Mike acted as if he’s going to throw the leaf but Godji grabbed his hands and carefully snatched it from his hands. She slips the leaf ring on her ring finger and stared at it with full adoration.

“I love this”

“I love you”

“Oh My God, did I just witness a proposal?”

Jane walked towards them, wide-eyes whilst holding her bag in her left hand. Her heels hitting the wooden floor can be heard in the place.

“Why are you here?”

“To ask if you already received the invitation?”

Godji flaunts her finger, hugged by a leaf, and gave a victorious smile to Jane.

“Yes, we did, and you might receive another one soon”

* * *

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

Off checked his email like what he usually does every morning. There are tons of things that he needs to do aside from playing the piano. His parents enrolled him in an online class for the German Language since they might be staying longer in Vienna than expected. It was fine though since his parents already prepared everything Off even before he agreed to go abroad.

“I hate online classes”

He stared at the clock hanging on his wall. It’s almost eight am and he needs to prepare for his three-hour class. It wasn’t long, but Off easily gets bored whenever he’s facing his teacher. He often sneaks to get some snacks in his fridge or play secretly on his phone just to ease his boredom, sometimes he scrolls on the different articles seen on the internet.

Off was about to stand from his seat when his eyes caught something on the spammed messages on his email. It was an email from an unknown person so he was a bit hesitant to open it, but the urge to click the email was just so strong that he eventually gave in and open it.

The first thing he saw was Gun smiling brightly with his hands holding Oab’s. Everything is white designed with vector flowers and two rings placed in the middle of the whole picture, indicating that what he’s seeing is an invitation for a wedding.

Off smiled bitterly, but there was no hate in his heart for the two persons on the screen of his laptop, rather, he’s regretting—he regretted that he fell for someone who’s heart was already given to someone else, he fell for someone who could never be his.

“He could have just sent this to me using his email” Off stared at it for a few minutes before finally leaving his laptop closed on his table, proceeding to his fridge to get some breakfast.

“I guess, it’s finally time to let go of him. He’ll be a married man soon”

* * *

**_November 03, 2019_ **

**_Bangkok Thailand_ **

“What makes you call?

“I can’t sleep”

Jane looked at the clock hanging on her room’s wall. She’s been editing the layout for the upcoming release of their products for hours already, and she hasn’t realized that it’s he already missed her lunch.

“What time is it there?”

“Three a.m”

“What’s wrong Gun? It’s so late”

Jane waited for a few minutes, it was a long pause from Gun and she couldn’t hear a thing but the static sound was created by silence. It wasn’t new for her to receive random calls from Gun and she was grateful that her friend won’t forget to talk to her whenever he has time, but these past few days, Gun’s been calling her for no exact reason and she’s getting worried about her friend.

“I don’t know”

She took a deep breath. This is what she hates about Gun—he calls just to say the same words over and over again. There are times when Gun will just say hello and will drop the call. Sometimes, he will just say ‘I would like to tell you something’ then will pull his words and will leave her hanging instead.

“I think you know but you just don’t want to admit it yet”

“…”

“You know what, you should stop calling me if you won’t even say a word”

“I would like to tell you something”

“Don’t leave me hanging this time”

She heard Gun’s sobs on the other line which made her immediately stood up on her seat. She’s sure this time that her friend is not feeling well for his sobs starts to sound like cries for help. It sounds painful, something that she knows Gun has been keeping for long.

“Are you alright?”

“I miss him, Jane. I miss him so badly”

“Gun…”

“I miss his smile, his words, the way he turns me on”

“…”

“Jane, I miss Off”

Jane couldn’t find the right words to say to Gun. She couldn’t help but cry whilst listening to her friend’s painful whimpers on the other line. She would like to hug Gun right now, which she usually does whenever he’s crying, but their distance wouldn’t even permit her to do it, so all she could do is to stay quiet and listen to Gun’s every word.

“I miss the nights when he’s lying on my side, the times we play together, and the way he handles my antics. I miss the sound of his piano, the way he lightens up my mood whenever I feel down, the composition he always plays when he’s with me. I miss everything about him”

Gun’s cracked voice made her shiver. She would lie if she’ll say that she wouldn’t like to punch Gun right now because she wanted to. She clenched her first, obviously angry because of the words she heard from Gun, but she also felt bad for her friend because it seems too late for him to realize his real feelings for Off. She saw him cry before when he knew that Off went to Vienna, but Gun clearly said that he cried because he felt bad that he wasn’t able to say goodbye to him, but now, it’s different—Gun’s crying not because he lost the chance to see Off, but because he lost the chance to be loved by him.

“Gun, you’re about to get married. What about Oab?”

“I know, this is the reason why I hate myself so damn much because I feel like cheating on Oab. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Help me Jane, please, I’m begging”

“Gun, you know I won’t be able to help you right?”

Jane’s tears trickle on her cheeks but she’s too afraid to make a sobbing sound. She knows that Gun will drop the call once he heard her crying. That’s what he always does, he always thinks that he’s a burden for everyone so Jane’s always forced to show her strong side to him. That’s how much she cares for her friend, and hearing him right now makes her heart feel pain. She’s hurting because her friend is hurting too

“I would like to get married to Oab”

“But Gun, don’t you think this is wrong?”

“I’ll be able to forget about Off once we get married right?”

“I don’t think you will”

Gun on the other line would like to scream his heart out. He hates that he keeps on thinking about Off when he’s loved by Oab. He felt disgusted to himself, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the guy he used to play with. His memories keep on haunting him every night, making it hard for him to sleep. He’s been keeping it to himself for so long because he would like to cry whenever he sees Oab’s smiling face. The man had done nothing wrong, yet his head’s been busy with Off’s remnants until it dominated his whole system.

“I must, I should because it’s needed”

“Gun”

“I don’t want to hurt Oab”

Jane fell on the ground because of the heartbreak caused by her friend’s decisions. She knows he’ll regret this once again, but Gun won’t even listen to her so she was the first one who decided to drop and call and cursed her friend silently, with a hope that Gun will be able to do the right decision before everything go worse

* * *

**_Third Week of November, 2019_ **

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

“Never have I ever!”

“That’s a childish game, pick something else”

“Come on Off”

The members of the orchestra are having dinner for their successful street orchestra flash mob which they’ve been practicing. Everyone thought that they’ll fail for only a few appreciates street orchestra, but the moment they’re cellist took his place in front of the St. Anne’s Church, people starts to swarm around them until all of the members played the whole composition. It was the best thing that they’ve ever done, but of course, the member who was given the best recognition was their pianist, Off, who was able to pull up the whole group with just his keyboard.

“He acts as if he’s afraid to get busted”

“Arm”

“What? come on, we’re only three in this table, let the senior enjoy on their own and us on our own too”

“P’Off, we should enjoy this night, right? We also got the strongest wine here. Let’s play shots”

“Nong Aom is on it, don’t kill the fun”

The three of them got closer after they realized that the newly recruited member of their group is also Thai. Aom introduced Arm to Off and they easily had a bond. Arm reminds Off of Tay because of the way he acts which is also the reason why he felt comfortable with him, and now, the three of them became inseparable because their age gap isn’t that big and they could also understand each other with just the use of their language. It wasn’t easy to speak English and much harder to speak in German, so they tend to use their language especially whenever they’re together.

“I don’t like this idea,” Off said, holding his glass filled with red wine, “we can just get drunk until we drop, why do we have to play?”

Aom clung her hand unto Off’s arm and look straight at him wearing her puppy eyes, “Please, P’Off just this one. I never asked you anything right?”

“Off, this won’t harm us. Let’s enjoy since the night is still young”

Despite not liking the proposition of his friends, Off still decided to join the game. At first, he was hesitant to answer the questions but he eventually enjoyed the taste of the wine and the sound of his friends’ giggles and laughs. The place was no familiar to him, but it feels like he’s in the same restaurant where he had used to work for—the vines swirling around the tall and wide pillars of the restaurant, with various people watching performers singing accompanied by the soft tone of a saxophone being played by a bearded man in a small elevated stage, the wooden chairs, and tables covered with rich varnish where the customers enjoy small talks with friends—it was a different place, but the vibes reminds him so much of Land of Something.

Seconds turn to minutes to hours, almost everyone’s already drunk. Some of the senior musicians already excused themselves, others are already throwing up, and only a few remained on their seats. Arm’s getting dizzy because of the alcohol kicking in. Aom’s resting on Off’s chest because of too much wine, but she’s still conscious.

“Let’s go home”

“One last shot”

“Geez, look at you, your eyes are giving up, and Aom” Off stared at the wine drunk lady smiling at him, “She’s drunk too”

“This will be the last one. Look at the bottle, it’s almost empty” Arm said, lifting the bottle of wine. Aom composed herself and sat properly, but Off’s hands are ready to catch her if ever she falls.

“The last one please P’Off”

“I hate this”

Arm giggled before asking the last statement and then looked straight to both of his friends. He saved one question as to the last because he would like to test something.

“Never I have ever willing to date a friend”

There was a long silence at their table. Only laughter from the other customers and Aom’s beating heart could be heard. No one would like to get their glass.

“What kind of question is that?” Aom said, with her cheeks flushed because of wine.

“So, no one?”

“Jesus, you men are all talk”

Aom grabbed the bottle and drank the remaining wine. She wiped her lips and an automatic smile plastered on Arm’s lips—he was able to get the answer he would like to have and he was satisfied enough to end this game.

“I wonder who you are going to date, is it me or…”

“Shut up, what makes you think that it’s between the two of you?”

Arm chuckled upon seeing his friend’s reaction. Off’s just watching them bickering but hands are still ready in case the lady on his side outed her balance which happened right after Aom closed her heavy eyes because of drunkenness.

“Alright, I haven’t even said that Off’s in the choices”

“Arm, let’s stop this” Off said and stood up, and held Aom’s hands, placing it on his shoulders, “Arm, bring her back home, I don’t know where she lives”

“So, do you think, I know her place? Come on Off, you knew her longer”

Arm’s smile won’t even leave his face. Whatever he said is a half true and half lie—he doesn’t know how to get to Aom’s place, but he knows her address yet Arm has no intention of telling this to Off because he wouldn’t like to carry the burden of keeping someone’s safety when he is already aware that he won’t be able to walk straight to his home—Off’s the most sobber person between the three of them, it’ll be better if Off will be the one to bring her home.

“I’ll go ahead now Off, take care of her. Bye Seniors! We’ll go ahead now”

Off just shook his head, before finally carrying Aom on his back despite now knowing where to bring her.

* * *

“P’Off”

Off laid Aom’s body on his bed carefully, covering her with his blanket. He wasn’t able to send her back to her place because he couldn’t even talk to her properly. Off isn’t sure if she’s asleep for she’s been talking random things since earlier but Off knows that she’s drunk and unconscious. Off couldn’t do anything but to offer his room to Aom’s drunken self. The room is dark and cold—only the sound of the AC could be heard and the dimmed light coming from Off’s table lamp next to his bed is only the source of light.

“P’Off”

“Sleep, Aom. Rest and I’ll bring you home tomorrow” Off’s about to stood up to get an extra blanket, but Aom grabbed his hand. Off turned his gaze to his friend which is staring directly at him, “What is it?”

“P’Off” Aom’s voice is hoarse from sleep, her face almost covered by her shoulder length hair, cheeks flushed because of too much wine she had earlier. Aom slowly sat on Off’s bed, with her eyes not leaving Off’s dark and confused eyes.

“You sleep here, I’ll sleep outside” Off slowly removed Aom’s hands on his but the lady just tightens her grip.

“Off sleep with me” Off was caught off guard because of those words from Aom. He wasn’t able to find the exact words to say to her—he was just there, sitting on the side of his bed with Aom’s fingers digging on her skin. She won’t cut their stare, she won’t even blink—it was the first time for Off to see Aom being like this

“Aom you’re drunk, lay down” Off carefully move to help his friend but it was a wrong move because Aom grabbed his shirt causing him to fall over her, “Ao—”

“I’m drunk, but I’m serious”

“No, you’re cra—”

Off wasn’t able to say the next words for Aom cupped his face and kissed him. She didn’t move for a minute, but when Off was still and not moving, Aom tried to move her lips, testing waters, checking if Off will kiss her back.

Off felt paralyzed—his heart’s beating fast and he couldn’t think straight. Alcohol’s been kicking in his system since earlier, and his body won’t even coordinate with his mind. He couldn’t talk for Aom’s lips is on its move, waiting for him to either fight back for dominance or resist. Aom grabbed his nape, pressing her lips harder against Off. Though the man above her won’t still move, the fact that Off’s not resisting made her felt like he’s slowly gaining his trust.

Aom’s kisses turn into sweet licks, trying to open Off’s lips so she could finally invade his mouth. She’s getting impatient, so she bit his lower lips, making Off react and she took it as an opportunity to seize in. Off’s mind slowly turns into blank and his body’s now being controlled by the alcohol. He would like to scream, he would like to stop, but his lips’ now responding to Aom’s kisses, making the scene they’re into hotter than earlier. It was too late for Off to realize his lips’ leaving Aom’s, targeting her neck, leaving purple bruise whilst sucking her skin. Her eyes were shut because of the pleasure Off’s given to her, both of their bodies are asking for it—it wasn’t just her, it was both of them.

There were no more words to follow, only the sound of their hearts beating and soft whimpers pierced the silence of the room—sounding like a strong melody that only their drunken states could understand. It’s not Off’s first time for girls—he’s been experienced since he was a teen so it was no surprise how Aom moans whenever he touches her.

Off’s lips went back to Aom’s, giving her a more aggressive yet flavorful kiss, it was so long and intoxicating for Off missed this kind of feeling—the feeling of being dominant, the feeling of being touched, the feeling of having someone willing to care. He’s now on top of her, his eyes forcefully shut for he couldn’t accept that he’s liking it. Aom, who is beneath him, couldn’t help but be mesmerized with Off, fighting for dominance, with his lips against her, flushed cheeks—he’s so beautiful in her eyes that she’s willing to satisfy his craving for flesh. Aom knows that Off’s now drunk, unlike her who’s now soberer than earlier, tonics get into him a little bit later but she couldn’t care less for all she wanted right now is to feel the warmth that both of them would like to feel inside the cold room

“You will regret this, Aom”

“I won’t, so don’t stop now”

* * *

**_Ottawa, Canada_ **

The night’s so calm and peaceful unlike Gun’s who is sitting alone on their balcony. His mind is filled with questions which even he couldn’t answer. He hugged himself when the wind suddenly blows causing him to feel intense cold. It was something that he likes and although he’s shivering, he still doesn’t want to go back into his room because he’ll just stare are their room’s ceiling for the whole night until the sun waves at him.

This is just one of the nights when Gun will stay at their balcony, with his violin and a bottle of wine placed on the circular table on his side. He never had a good sleep even once when they came to Canada to prepare for their wedding so he tends to drink wine just to feel sleepy. Every night, Gun’s head is filled with that particular guy whom he’s been missing for so long. He misses him—his smile, his antics, his kisses, and touch. But Gun couldn’t do anything about it anymore since he’ll be a soon married man, with his boyfriend, Oab.

He misses the nights whenever he and Off play together, accompanying each other’s instrument, creating soulful melodies that only they could appreciate and understand. Off’s a new whole world for him, but he never felt foreign—he felt like no one could understand his heart except for Off, and maybe that was the reason why his heart is full of regret for not realizing that it was already singing a different name, even he wasn’t able to understand the song of his system, hitting high notes of Off’s memories with him.

There are times when he plays alone, but it never felt like before—the feeling of joy and contentment, the colorful tunes he enjoyed before was long gone. He keeps on playing various compositions, trying to find the beautiful soul of music once again, yet Gun couldn’t feel it anymore. The music coming from his violin became bland as if the color left together with Off when he went to Vienna. Monochromatic—the music the Gun produces with his violin became black and white, no soul, no color and he couldn’t get used to it for it was the first time for him to felt this way—he felt lost.

Gun picked his phone placed on the side of his wine glass. He downloaded a piano piece last time. It wasn’t a classical one, but for some reason, it reminded him of Off and he would like to try playing it, hoping that maybe, he’ll be able to put his feelings whilst playing.

Watashi no Uso, also known as My Lie, was a piece he heard whilst he was scanning Off’s playlist before. When he first listened to it, he couldn’t understand why it was entitled as My Lie and asked Off about the piece for he wasn’t familiar with it. He could still remember how Off smiled at him holding his hand tightly whilst sitting on the chair in front of his keyboard

_“It’s a story of someone who lied just to be loved”_

_“Why would you listen to it?”_

_“Because it’s painful”_

_“You listen to it because it’s painful?”_

_“Mmm, and because it reminds me of someone who’s trying to discover what it means to play music from the heart rather than head”_

_“Who is that?”_

_“Me, this piece reminds me of myself”_

Gun smiled. His memories with Off’s still vivid especially during this kind of moment, when he’s all lonely despite not being alone. His soon to be husband’s inside their room, sleeping soundly with the thought that they’ll be getting married soon, yet he’s at the balcony, being haunted by some other man’s memory with him.

He played the piece and then grabbed his violin. The piece was piano alone but he would like to have a duet. It may seem funny listening to someone who is having a duet with his phone, but this is the best thing that Gun can do just to feel that Off’s with him. The sound of the piano rings on their balcony and Gun’s bow starts to touch the strings of his violin. It took him a few off keys before he finally synched with the tone coming from his phone.

The first few notes of the piece sound soulful and he felt like floating in the air, but the moment Gun closed his eyes, he finally felt what Off was trying to say back then—the massive leaps, the passion, the momentum, and intensity—he felt everything, he finally felt something again whilst he’s playing. The cathartic repetition of notes was evident, reaching higher octaves of the piece made him feel like he’s one with the two instruments. He was alone, yet not lonely—a feeling which is different when he was trying to play a random piece on his music sheet. Gun’s tears trickle on his cheeks because of the emotions he’s feeling.

Painful, yet peaceful. Gun found peace from a painful composition he only heard once.

_“It’s a story of someone who lied just to be loved”_

But then, Off’s voice echoed in his head. Lie—Gun doesn’t know to whom he was lying—is he lying to Oab for telling that he still loves him, that he’s still the same Gun he had met almost three years ago who’s willing to sacrifice things just to be with him? or is he lying to himself, for forcefully pushing the button of his head to forget Off and stopping his heart which is beating for him. Is he lying to be loved, or lying to give love? More questions are now running in Gun’s head and he couldn’t take so much of it and the wine he had been drinking since earlier won’t even helping, making him fell on his knees and cry even harder before finishing the piece.

“Babe?”

Oab ran to Gun, cupping his face which is now red because of crying. Gun tries to wipe his tears but it was too late already for Oab was the one who did it for him.

“Babe, is everything ok?”

Gun cried harder upon hearing Oab’s calming voice. He felt pain in his chest for he couldn’t understand why his heart won’t beat back for him just like before, why won’t he feel the same way before for Oab like when he was so devastated when he left? Gun clenched his chest for he’s already having a hard time breathing. His eyes are blurry, his head’s starting to ached too, but when he lifted his head and his eyes met Oab’s, he wrapped his arms to his neck and plunge his lips unto his.

He moved his lips, inviting Oab to kiss him back. Oab was confused with Gun’s sudden reaction but his lips moved on its own and find its rhythm with Gun’s. Both of their eyes were shut, feeling each other’s lips, accompanied by the cold breeze of the wind and solemn sound of the night.

Oab carried Gun to their room, not minding about the phone and violin left at their balcony. It’s been a month since they finally got back together and this is the first time for Gun to initiate it. Things are running on his head too, but he chose to ignore it for once and focus on his lover. He laid down Gun’s body on their bed without cutting the kiss, tasting the sweet-bitter taste of wine Gun had earlier. Oab slowly unbuttoned Gun’s top, revealing his porcelain white chest. His hands moving freely all over Gun’s body, and his lips traveling to his neck up to Gun’s earlobe, then back to his neck again, leaving trails of butterfly kisses on his skin.

Both of them are now feeling each other’s warmth. Oab felt nostalgic and he could feel his heart beating erratically. Gun cries when he touched his member and it was happiness for Oab for he had been missing hi boyfriend for months, but for some reason, Oab felt like Gun’s different—the way he kisses him, the way his fingers slide through his back, the way Gun’s body reacts against his—it’s far different from the way they do things before.

Gun never intertwine hands when they’re having sex but he’s now holding his hands tightly, gently squeezing it from time to time, while he rested his lips on his chest, nibbling his flesh.

“Off…”

Oab heard Gun but it seems like the latter wasn’t aware that he just said something that crushed his heart into pieces. It was probably because the wine kicked in, his boyfriend’s subconsciously calling someone’s name but him—agony, he felt the sting upon hearing Off’s name, his erratic heart throbbed harder than earlier. He continued kissing Gun despite feeling he’s doing him wrong—it was a twinge of guilt reminding him that he should stop whatever he is doing, but the longing in his heart would like to try once more, to finish it at least, despite knowing that he wasn’t the one Gun’s thinking of while making love with him.

“Off…”

Second time and Oab still hoped that Gun will eventually remember calling his name, but he could only feel his hand tightened more as if he wouldn’t want to let go of him. The excruciating pain because of anger and madness in his heart became more severe and he just let his tears rush down his cheeks. He wouldn’t care anymore if it dropped on Gun’s bare chest. He moves his way onto Gun’s stomach, licking his belly button. He became more aggressive, biting Gun’s skin, making his boyfriend cry of combined pain and pleasure he’s giving. Oab removed Gun’s hand on his, not minding how Gun’s drunk state still tried to reach his.

“Off… hands… hold my hand”

Third time, third time and Oab finally got back to his senses. He would like to shout at Gun, but it was evident that he’s no longer conscious and only his body’s responding to him—it was indeed the drunk mind which speaks real feelings of a sober heart. Oab was wishing that Gun would call him even for the fourth time, but when he held his hand, intertwining with his, Gun immediately fell into a deep slumber, as if he was satisfied already even without finishing whatever they had started.

“Babe, I’m Oab…”

But Gun calls no more name except Off’s that night

* * *

Two bodies are fully covered with a thick blanket to lessen the coldness felt inside the room. Oab stared at Gun, mesmerized by the beauty beside him; his eyes peacefully closed, his plump red lips that he was just kissing earlier and his reddish soft cheeks he missed to cup—everything about Gun seems surreal, something that Oab always wanted to flaunt to everyone to make them feel envious, not expecting that he’ll be one of the names on the list.

“Gun, I’m sorry for the nights that you’re crying because of me” Oab took a deep breath before caressing Gun’s hair which is covering his forehead, making sure that he won’t wake him up

“Sorry of it was too late for you to realize that you only needed me but you don’t love me anymore” he smiled bitterly, Oab was not that stupid not realize that Gun’s been having a hard time sleeping because of him and Off. He was fully aware of what his boyfriend has been going through—the nights when he’s all awake, playing his violin alone at the balcony, the moments that Gun would check on Off’s pictures on his social media accounts, the times when he will unconsciously talk whilst sleeping, whispering Off’s name in the thin air of their room, even that one faithful dawn that Gun talked with Jane, and then he heard him say that it wasn’t him anymore.

It almost killed him and without Gun knowing, Oab was also crying in his room most of the nights whilst he’s playing at the balcony, accompanied by the dull tone coming from his violin, Oab’s listening whilst on his knees, hugging his picture, hoping that Gun will be able to look at him the same way before. But no matter how hard Oab tries to deny, he already knew that it’ll be harder for both of them if he won’t act.

“I was always with you, yet you’re still looking for him”

“…”

“I was always hugging you, yet you’re still thinking of him”

Oab’s tears trickle on his face, but he tries to avoid making sobbing sounds. Instead, he lifted Gun’s hand, playing it on his cheek, feeling the warmth he knew he won’t be able to feel again once he let go.

“I hate to admit it. I may be your first, sorry for not being your last”

Oab stayed lying on their bed, with Gun’s hand on his face for an hour. He closes his eyes but he knew he won’t be able to sleep. He keeps on staring at Gun, picturing his sleeping face in his head because he knows that this may be the last.

“I know you won’t leave me, so let me be the one to let you go”

He carefully sat on the edge of their bed and reached for his phone. His head’s dizzy because of continuous cries, his eyes were puffy and his cheeks red for he’s been wiping them harshly since earlier. It’s already late, but Oab doesn’t want to make his agony longer because he might change his mind. He started scrolling for his contacts, looking for Alriessa’s number. He made sure that the message he’ll be sending to her is understandable despite his blurry sight.

_To: Alriessa_

_From: Oab_

_I’m calling of the wedding. Let’s talk tomorrow_

* * *

**_Third Week of December_ **

**_Bangkok, Thailand_ **

**_Land of Something Restaurant_ **

“P’Tay please, just his number will do”

“No, I don’t have it Jane”

Jane had been asking Tay for almost an hour already. She would like to know more about Off but he wouldn’t even tell him even his street address, not even his number. She’s getting frustrated with how Tay’s been acting like a possessive girlfriend of his friend. She could understand him though, but he couldn’t handle his behavior of ignoring for long just because he wouldn’t like to be interrogated.

“Just help me this once P’Tay and I’ll supply you one year of wine”

“You think you can bribe me with wine?”

“You like it”

“I won’t sell my friend”

Tay got back to his usual place at the counter, checking some items which will be used by the customers when they opened the restaurant. It’s not actually that he would like to ignore Jane for they had been friends because of Off and Gun, but she’s getting irritating for him already so he’s been trying to redirect his focus to other things aside from answering her questions.

He heard Jane stomping her feet because of frustration. She would like to hit him already but she’s trying her best to get on his good side for she needs something from him. Truthfully, Jane doesn’t need to do this one, but she would like to do something for Gun.

It had been weeks since she got the news that Oab called off the wedding. She wasn’t sure of the real reason for it. She thought that Gun will be the one to call if off but when her friend called her one evening, crying whilst telling her that his Oab canceled it, she was more than grateful for his friend’s boyfriend. She felt bad about it though, but then she felt at ease. She keeps on thinking that maybe Oab had been aware of it all and although Jane felt sad about how things ended between Oab and Gun, she’s she knows that it’ll be the best for the two.

“P’Tay, Oab and Gun called off the wedding because of Off”

Tay faced Jane. He doesn’t like what he’s hearing from her. He knew that Off could be one of the reasons why the wedding was called off. No one even dared to tell it to Off too, even him alone. He doesn’t want his friend to experience the same heartbreak from the same person.

“How is that Off’s fault? Did Off told them to cancel their wedding?”

“P’Tay it wasn’t his fault but he’s the reason!”

“He’s the reason?” Tay smirked, “He wasn’t the reason Jane, it was Gun. If he didn’t accept his boyfriend’s proposal, there’ll be no marriage which was canceled. It was Gun, who wasn’t sure of his real feelings, it was Gun who made my friend fell for him but end up going back to his boyfriend, it was Gun who did this to himself. It wasn’t Off’s fault so don’t tell me again that he was the reason for all of these”

“You’re blaming my friend?”

“I am”

“Then what about your friend? Isn’t P’Off’s aware that Gun was in a relationship before they became fuck buddies? Off was aware of it and no matter how much you cover his mistakes, you couldn’t deny that Off was also one of the factors why Gun became confused about his feelings”

“Off just loved, is my friend wrong for that?”

“Gun loved him during the wrong time, was he wrong for that?”

There was complete silence, both of them running out of words to tell each other. Bot Tay and Jane are aware that they’re just defending their friends, maybe because both of them don’t know about the side of each other. Tay only knew Off’s side and Jane only knew Gun’s—but they never knew about the other and their conversation made them realize some things but still, Tay wouldn’t like to get swayed just because of Jane’s words

“He’s seeing someone”

“What the fuck do you mean? It’s been only a few months”

“Well, Off and Gun did it too for a few months”

Jane massaged her temple because of the information she heard from Tay. Head’s aching from the things which are happening right now.

“Just give me his contacts”

“I won’t, not until he tells me”

Tay went back to the locker room without looking back even with Jane’s loud voice calling for his name

* * *

**_Ottawa, Canada_ **

**_Pacific Yacht Charters_ **

****

“This is beautiful Gun!”

Gun smiled at Godji who’s still in awe because of the wedding venue which was supposed to be theirs. The yacht he had picked a few weeks ago will now be accommodating a new pair who would like to grow old together, just like how he and Oab used to.

“I’ll just check the place ok? Come here hon”

“Yeah sure go ahead”

He stared at Mike being dragged by Godji. Godji told them weeks ago that both she and Mike will get married and are looking for a place far from Thailand for their wedding. Since Gun felt bad because Of Alriessa’s loss of client—which is them—he said that Godji and Mike should check on the place and he was happy that both Mike and she agreed. It was unexpected that those two still got on board when it was just Godji who told him that he’ll visit. Jane also canceled her flight to Canada after they announced that their wedding was canceled.

Gun stared at the calm ocean in front of him. It has been days seen she last saw it and the view made him felt like he lost something that he might regret. Oab could have been the best boyfriend that someone could ever have. He was almost perfect for him, someone who is too good to be true. Maybe he got used too much to him that he didn’t realize that he’s slowly getting tired of the things he used to, that maybe, he wasn’t looking for someone perfect, but someone flawed just like him so they can be better together.

“Gun!”

Gun doesn’t need to look back anymore to know who it was. Oab stand next to him and stared at the ocean which he has been looking at since earlier. No one dared to look at each other, only the strong wind accompanied the both of them.

“What are you doing here, I thought you’re touring P’Godji?”

“She’s with P’Mike”

Oab nods and looked at the white yacht that was almost the witness of their exchanging of vows. He then remembered the first time brought Gun to the place, when he was having a hard time looking for clothes to wear. It was funny that what he said became true. If he only knew that they won’t get married, he shouldn’t have told Gun to wear anything and wear his tuxedo instead.

“We almost had a mistake, Gun”

Gun turned his gaze to Oab and smiled, “is marrying me a mistake for you?”

Oab chuckled because of what he heard from Gun. He then looked at him and gave him the most genuine smile he could ever do

“Marrying you was not a mistake, but marrying someone you don’t love is”

“I loved you”

“You did, I know.” Oab paused and took a deep breath before he continues, “But I got too confident and now I’m just another memory from your past”

“You’re still in my present Oab, sorry for you won’t be my future anymore”

“You’re too blunt now huh? When did you start talking back to me?”

Both of them laughed, there was no grudge between the two of them, rather, they felt like something sharp finally left their hearts. It was true that Oab’s still hurting—Gun was his almost but maybe, destiny was juts playing with them before and now that it’s done playing, he had no choice but to let go of his greatest love.

“Oab, thank you”

“For letting you go? I’m not selfish”

“Thank you for loving me”

Oab bit his lower lip without Gun realizing, he would like to cry at this moment but he knows that he shouldn’t for it won’t do good for the both of them. He was the one to call off the wedding and it’ll be ridiculous if he’ll be the first one to break in tears.

“Tell me Gun”

“What?”

“What do you feel whenever I touch you?”

“I feel him”

“Thank you for being honest, I hope he’ll take care of you”

Truthfully, if only Gun said something that would make him less of a smart man, Oab will try contacting Alriessa once again and schedule another wedding date, but he was grateful that Gun started to become surer of his feelings that he never did or say something that made him hope for more about their relationship. He may have told himself a couple of times already that they won’t be getting back together anymore, but there are times that he still needs to knock his head just to got back to his senses.

“I hope you’ll be able to tell Alriessa about what you feel”

Oab cursed at the back of his head. He knew from the very beginning that this reason will come back biting him. But this was the easiest thing he could ever think of to help Gun. He knew he will be dragging someone in his fucked-up love story, but he hopes that once Gun finally find his way back to Off, he will be able to make things clearer between him and Alriessa—his friend knows nothing about this shit he had place her.

“You don’t have to worry about me Gun, worry about yourself”

“You should also be worried about yourself, you do more harsh things and decides impulsively, I’m afraid you’ll end up hurting yourself”

* * *

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

Off felt the warm rays from the window hitting his skin. He moved slowly, careful enough not to wake Aom sleeping on his side. He looked at his phone to check the time—7:00, almost time for his daily German Language class. He slowly brushed Aom’s hair, placing it at the back of her ear, as she moves slowly to hug him.

“Stop that, not good for my heart”

Off chuckled after hearing those words from Aom. He thought the she’s still sleeping for he was too rough last night. Though he made sure that no marks will be seen from Aom today, he though that he over did it last night with her.

“Is your body aching?”

“No, but my heart is”

“Aom”

“I know, don’t move, let me stay like this for five more minutes”

Aom and Off had been sharing bed for random days when both of them felt like it. Both of them didn’t expected that that one night of heat will be repeated. The two of them like it anyway, but they differ in reason for pinning each other—Off just wanted someone to satisfy him at nights when he’s body felt like asking for it, but Aom’s intention was not to satisfy her body, but her heart.

Off couldn’t forget the third time they had done it. It was one rainy evening, when everyone was having a cup of hot coffee to warm themselves, Aom and Off was on bed, being warmth by something else. Aom said it to him—she’s catching feelings, but she wouldn’t like Off to felt bad for her for she knows her place—she’ll wait despite knowing she might wait for nothing.

Off would like to do better for her. He’s slowly trying to open up his heart for the girl who had been helping her since day one. Aom’s the closest person he has in Vienna, and he wouldn’t even deny to others if someone’s asking if they’re dating, most of the time, he ignores them, but Aom was aware that Off just doesn’t like to hurt her feelings and she’s fine with that, though sometimes, Off being sweet could make her hope for something more than friends with benefits.

Like what Aom asked, Off alarmed his phone for another five minutes and closed his eyes. He was doing better these days and he was glad the he has friends who help him to move forward when he thought that he couldn’t stand on his own again. Wedding—he remembered of Gun’s wedding and instead of crying because of it, he just smiled. He wasn’t sure if he already got over him, or he was actually fine with Gun getting married to Oab, but the fact that he rarely thought of him these past few days was something he’s looking forward to.

Aom immediately removed her hands around Off and sat whilst covering her whole body with the spare blanket on the bed header, slowly picked up her clothes on the floor and went on her way to the comfort room to change. Off stayed on his bed for a while until he heard his phone ringing, showing Tay’s contact. It didn’t take him long to answer the call.

“Off”

“What?”

“Are you still thinking about him?”

“Are you seriously asking this to me this early morning?”

“Just answer”

Off paused for a while thinking of the words that he should say to his friend. He would like to be at least sure about his answer, after all, it’s been few months already and it will make sense if he’ll say something that he’s actually feeling right now.

“What now Jumpol, answer me”

Aom went out of the comfort room with her hair still messy from sleeping but her face bright after washing. “What would you like to eat? Pancake with whipped cream?” She said as he finds her way out of his room after placing the blanket on the empty chair. Off just raised is thumb signaling that he agrees with what Aom said.

Off finally went out on his bed, with his phone still on his left ear

“Tay, slowly, I think I’m slowly forgetting him”

* * *

**_January 19, 2020_ **

**_Toronto Canada, Airport_ **

Oab gaze is fixed at the sky, looking at a specific plane where he though Gun may be. He was actually expecting that he’ll cry after seeing Gun leaving him, but it was a surprised that Gun hugged him whilst crying for the last time before finally going on board. It was something which tells him that this is it, no more Gun in his life for he’s now finding his way home to someone.

“Gun is now away so you may now stop acting like you like me”

He chuckled and turn his gaze to Alriessa who’s now offering him a cup of coffee she got from the nearest coffee shop. She already knows what Oab likes for they’ve been on random coffee meetings for his supposed to be marriage with Gun.

“Thanks for this, and sorry too”

“Sorry for what?”

“For dragging you onto this”

Alriessa took a sip of his coffee before facing Oab once again. She’s grinning wide enough for Oab to see it

“Remember what I’ve told you before, I said you’ll be choosing between two things”

“What about it?” Oab could still remember it. That was the first time Alriessa hesitated to talk to him and until now, he’s still being bugged by it. “You left me hanging, I was anxious”

“This is what I’m talking about. I was glad that you look satisfied with what you have chosen”

“You should have just told me that you were already aware of it”

“If I did, you won’t realize things”

Oab just smirked. After weeks of thinking about it, he was able to realize lots of things. Letting go of Gun was something that broke him, but at the same time, it was something that made him realize that he was someone who really loved. He knew that Gun won’t be happy with him anymore, which is why he decided to be the one to break up with him. He made him realize that not all things may end up like what they expected it to be, no matter how perfect it may seem, no matter how much you’ve planned it, if the destiny didn’t permit, it will still end up crumbling down.

“Thank you Alriessa”

“I won’t accept your ‘thank you’ until you tell Gun about it”

He gave her a bitter smile. It was something that he never expected from her. He knows he did her wrong for dragging her in this but he still isn’t ready to tell Gun. He wasn’t even sure if he will be able to tell it to him or no.

“I don’t think I can”

“Then should we date for real? You see, I hate lying so why not turn this lie into reality?”

“What do you mean?”

“Hey, why do you look so shocked?”

Oab took sips on his drink, chuckling, almost laughing with what he heard from Alriessa who’s still looking straight at him with a serious face, but when he realized that his friend doesn’t look like joking at all, he immediately stopped.

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah, let’s try it. If it won’t work then let’s stop”

“This sounds crazy”

“We all do crazy things on a daily basis”

Oab just nodded in disbelief. He isn’t sure what this shit may bring to them, but since Alriessa seems like she’s also ready to play around, might as well play the game for real.

“Yeah, whatever you like”

* * *

**_January 20, 2020_ **

**_Vienna Austria_ **

****

“Guten tag herr, wohin gehen wir?”

“Sorry, do you speak English?”

Gun stared at the driver in the rearview mirror. After being on the plane for more than ten hours, he can now feel his head getting heavy. He wasn’t able to get enough sleep from the plane and his back is aching because of his uncomfortable position earlier. He had a hard time asking for directions because he couldn’t have a proper conversation with others.

“Oh sorry, yes I do speak English”

“Thank you, what were you saying again?”

“Good morning sir, where are we going?”

Gun’s too tired already to answer so instead he just showed his hotel address from his phone and the driver already got to the place. Gun tried to close his eyes but he couldn’t even take a nap, he was afraid for he’s in a foreign place and he knows no one except for Off.

His whole travel was a quiet yet fulfilling one. His eyes were fixed on the busy place of Vienna where everyone seems to enjoy the posh and grand building which pampers everyone’s eyes. Vienna is fancy, flamboyant even. When he was searching about the city a few weeks ago, he never thought it’ll be so beautiful as this. The town seems like the place for royals he had been watching since he was a kid—bustling with tourists and locals, luxurious cars, and horse carriages which varies in sizes. The city was stunning and by just looking at it, Gun was already aware that it’ll demand a lot of his energy and time to digest everything that he’s seeing.

“Where are you from sir?”

“I’m from Thailand”

“Why are you here?”

Gun smiled before facing the driver. He was the first person he was able to talk with since earlier.

“You can just say that I’m looking for the love of my life”

“This place is big. You might get lost looking for that person”

Gun’s eyes shifted on his violin resting on the side of his seat. He carefully lifted it and stared at the name which he carved—OffGun—it was something he did when he was still in Thailand, lurking around. He never had done this before, going across the board to the point that he visited a place just to go after someone. But Gun had been lost for tons of times despite being familiar with Thailand and London before—literally and figuratively and being lost in this foreign place won't be different.

“I got lost a couple of times already, and I’m willing to get lost once again if that’s the only way to find him”

* * *

Off woke up because of continuous knocks from his apartment. He wasn’t able to get enough sleep so he stood up grumpy from his bed. He looked at his phone saw lots of people sending him birthday greetings. It’s Monday and he doesn’t care even if it’s his birthday. For him, it’s just one of the random days and there’s nothing special.

“God, who would knock into someone’s apartment this early morning?”

Off had been hanging with different people since his stay. His parents also allowed him to live alone because it was one of his conditions for him to keep playing his piano. He got no problem, but there are still times when he’ll remember how lonely he is, despite having lots of friends in his circle.

“I’ll kill him if its Arm”

He said, scratching his head because of frustration. He went out of his room, still half asleep. He keeps on squinting his eyes and didn’t even bother to watch his face anymore. Few more steps and he’s already facing his door. He’s rubbing his eyes when he opened his door.

“What the h—”

Off froze, he thought his eyes were playing with him and he’s still dreaming. There’s no way that this unexpected visitor will be knocking on his door with a round cake in his left hand.

“Happy Birthday, Off. It’s been a while” A genuine smile flashed on his visitor’s face, showing his deep dimples on both of his cheeks. Off’s still in awe, swallowing despite not having anything in his mouth.

“Gun”

* * *

Gun’s eyes couldn’t rest for he’s been looking around Off’s place despite sitting on his couch. The apartment was cold because of the breeze coming from a huge open window. Off’s whole apartment looks dull but the pictures hanging on his wall filled the dullness, making it bearable to anyone’s eyes. He felt awkward upon seeing Off walking towards him, with a slice of cake that he brought earlier and a cup, but Gun missed him so much that he couldn’t even take away his eyes from him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have anything in my fridge to offer you”

“It’s fine”

Gun smiled at him. Until now, it still feels surreal that Off’s in front of him. He was confused for days, cried for weeks, and waited for months just so he could see him again. He would like to jump onto him, kiss him gently like what he always wanted, but he doesn’t know how he had been, and he would like to be considerate of what he feels.

He took a small bite from what Off offered to him and sip from the hot coffee in the cup. The bittersweet taste of the two immediately confused his taste buds. He hasn’t had something since last night for he was excited and nervous about how he’ll be able to start a conversation with him and now, it feels like his stomach is grumbling for having something edible for the first time.

“Gun”

“mmm?”

“What are you doing here?”

Gun froze upon hearing the question from Off. He already expected this and honestly, he already prepared every word that he’ll be saying to Off once they meet, but at this very moment, Gun couldn’t even utter a single word, his lips are still, afraid that he may say something that would make things worse.

“Aren’t you married? Where’s your husband? Why are you alone?”

More questions were thrown to him and Gun couldn’t even pick up the right words to answer. It feels like all of the things he had practiced was gone. He stared at the fork coated with chocolate from the cake, he’s freezing because of the cold wind, he felt nervous and if Off would allow him, he won’t ever say anything anymore and just tell him how much he misses him.

“Gun”

“I love you Off”

Off was caught off guard, he was confused and surprised than happy. He had endured so many months just so he could stop thinking about him. He was already doing fine, he’s doing well, the times of Gun visiting is head becomes rare already and Aom helped him so much, but now that he’s in front of him, Off doesn’t know how to react with his sudden confession after not seeing each other since last year.

“Gun, you’re marr—”

“I’m not, we call off the wedding”

Silenced enveloped Off’s whole apartment. Both of them were out of things to say. Gun’s head ache’s getting worse because of jetlag and Off’s out of words to say. None between the two of them dared to speak and the only thing that they can hear was the sound of their hearts erratically beating.

They stayed sitting on the couch for minutes until Gun lifted his plate and start eating the cake once again. Off just stared at him, as he took another bite from it.

Off’s mad—actually, he wasn’t able to felt this before for Gun for he always tried his best to understand him. Rather than being mad at him before, Off told himself that it wasn’t Gun’s fault for not choosing him over Oab, but now that he’s watching him, aside from confusion, Off felt his chest tightens because of the madness building in his heart. He was mad because of the thought that Gun came in his place, saying he loves him, as if it was nothing serious as if it was normal for the man to come to him every time Gun and Oab’s relationship is failing.

“Gun, I don’t know how insensitive this may sound but you should just go back to Oab”

“I said I lov—” Off took a deep breath, he looked straight into Gun’s eyes causing the latter to stop whatever he was saying.

“I loved you too early, so it’ll be easy for me to unlove you. You were the loveliest thing ever happened to me, yet the most painful, too painful that I felt so numb, I couldn’t feel a thing anymore, until I couldn’t feel you anymore, I’m sorry, you should at least know”

It was something that surely burst Gun’s bubbles but he was trying to keep it cool. He could understand him, he tried to comprehend. Gun knew how Off had always been true about his feelings and it was no surprise to him hearing those words from Off. But despite being aware that these things may happen, Gun still couldn’t help but felt hurt. Off’s words were like sharp knives hitting his heart multiple times and it’s too unbearable for him to handle.

Both of them heard knocks coming from Off’s door which pierced the silence inside the apartment. The doorknob slowly twists revealing Aom holding some paper bags with groceries. She smiled upon seeing both Gun and Off sitting on the couch.

“Oh, seems like you have a visitor. Hi I’m Aom”

“I’m Gun” Gun replied softly, almost whispering but Aom was still able to hear it. She stared at him for a while and then smiled at him.

“Don’t mind me just talk” Aom walked straight to the kitchen with the bags in her hand.

Gun bit his lips. Tay already warned him that Off may already be seeing someone, though he thought that Tay was just playing around to hurt his feelings, seeing the lady in a white dress with a bright smile this early morning made his headache worse and unbearable, he could feel a sudden urge to cry, but he still tried to compose himself so that it won’t be shown in his face. Seeing her made him felt like he was left with nothing but regrets for what he had done, making him realize that he was already too late

“She looks beautiful, is she your girlfriend?”

“Sorry”

“P’Off, what would you like to eat?” Aom said peeking into the kitchen’s entrance

“I’m sorry Gun, but I think you should leave”

* * *

“What is wrong with you?”

Off had been committed too many mistakes since earlier. It was too frequent that the conductor already told them to skip the practice for today. It was obvious that Off wasn’t in the good mood; he won’t talk to others and his notes are mostly offkey which is why they had to repeat the piece over and over again before the conductor finally had enough of him.

“Is it because today’s your birthday?” Arm asked, he may sound like he’s mocking Off but he’s actually worried for his friend. This is the first time that Off acted like this. He never had a problem before when it comes to playing, most often, it was him who always makes the orchestrate livelier but today, he’s so damn different, as if his mind is somewhere else but the theatre.

“Nothing”

“You sure? You act differently today”

Aom was just looking at both of them, whilst sitting on one of the seats in front of the stage. She already expected that Off may act a little bit off, but she didn’t expect that Gun’s arrival will cause a great impact on Off’s way of playing—she didn’t know that Gun could affect him this much.

She stood up and walk towards the two. She doesn’t want Arm to add more stress to Off because she knows that Arm will continue asking about what’s wrong. She brought her violin with her and offered her hand to Off. She immediately caught the latter’s attention.

“Come on, P’Off, we still need to practice for our duet”

“The conductor said we can now leave since the practice is canceled” Arm answered, his brows knitting because of Aom.

“That’s different, we need to practice the duet since we only have three weeks to prepare”

“We’re going to celebrate his birthday”

“We can do it later, Arm. Let me and Aom practice three times and we can finally leave”

Aem didn’t bother answering back anymore for Off already accepted Aom’s hand and stood up on his seat. Both of them turned their backs at Arm who’s still confused about the two. He can see well how his friends are acting a bit awkward and serious, something that only happens if there’s something that bothers them.

“Alright, maybe I’m just overreading them”

* * *

**_Third Day_ **

It’s been three days since Gun arrived at Vienna but he never did go out of his hotel. He doesn’t want to see people; he doesn’t even bother getting out for dinner and trying the famous pasta restaurants in the town. His mind is full of Off and Off alone.

When he first arrived at Vienna, he thought that he will be having a great time with the man he loves, after all, Vienna is a sweet place for lovers. There are tons of things that both of them can do. But everything that he listed on his bucket list was forgotten when he saw Off with Aom.

That was the first time for Gun to see him with someone else than him. He wasn’t mad, rather he was disappointed and hurt—disappointed because he thought that Off will tell him the same words that he’s been longing to hear, and hurt because of the thought that maybe, he already said it to someone else. Off didn’t even deny Aom when he asked him if she’s her girlfriend.

“Are you alright?”

“I am P’Tay”

Tay already warned him before. At first, Tay intended to make Gun realize that Off has finally moved on from him so that he could feel the same pain Gun had caused him before, but now that he’s seeing him on the other side of the flatscreen laptop, he felt a bit bad about what he had done. Off didn’t call him too, and he wasn’t even that brave to call him first. Only Gun was his connection with him these past a few days and the more he sees him, the more the guilt became unbearable.

“Have you seen him today?”

“No”

“Did you even eat? You should try going out and enjoy the place at least”

“Maybe later”

“Ai’Gun”

“P’Tay don’t worry too much, I’ve already given you enough baggage to carry when you kept all of these from Off. Loosen up, go on a date, or anything. I’ll be able to handle this on my own”

Tay just sighed on the other line. He’s just wasting time until he opens the restaurant again. Both Godji and Mike are busy planning for the wedding and the reason why he called Gun wasn’t actually to ask him about how he has been in Vienna, rather, to remind him about the promise he made with the couple.

“Ai’Gun, about you playing at P’Godji’s wedding, will you be able to do it with Off?”

Gun stared at him for around a few minutes. He isn’t sure what to say to his friend for when he arrived in Vienna, he was so sure that he’ll be able to fix things with Off and will do things with him like what they usually had.

“I don’t know”

“If I talk to him, he might be willing but… Do you think you’ll be able to play with him again?”

If there’s something that Gun would like to do aside from seeing Off on the side of his bed, it was probably to play with him once again. He misses him, but what he misses the most are the times when they’re going wild whilst playing together, creating revised notes that only the two of them could appreciate because he never played well since then. It feels like he was playing yet there is no tone being produced by his violin—like he was creating a silent symphony that no one could hear but his heart.

“P’Tay, I will do anything just to play with him, even once, even if it’ll be the last”

* * *

“P’Off, you received an email from P’Tay”

Off ran towards his laptop half-naked. Aom visited him for he had been having a hard time last night and so she decided to stay with him. Nothing happened though, they just randomly played pieces for the whole night until both of them fell asleep. Aom staying at his place isn’t always about sex, sometimes, she comes over whenever something’s bugging Off. This is something that she had been doing to redirect Off’s concerns about things.

Off opened the email from Tay. This is the first time he received something from his friend since Gun knocked on his door. He was starting to doubt his friend, that maybe he was one of the reasons why Gun’s in Vienna.

“What did he say?”

“P’Godji said I should play with Gun during their wedding”

“Where?”

“Canada”

Aom nods as she scoops from her bowl of cereal she prepared earlier. She bit her lower lip when she realized that Gun will be playing with Off, but it was too fast that Off wasn’t able to catch her doing it.

“Will you go?”

Off closed his laptop and brought his bowl of cereal. He then took the space next to Aom. He would actually like to decline the offer for as much as possible, he wouldn’t like to play with Gun anymore. He could feel his feelings resurfacing, as much as he wanted to deny it, Gun’s arrival and the sudden confession made him realize that he still hasn’t gotten over him.

“I don’t think I’ll—”

“You should, it’s for your friend”

“I know but…”

“You still like him, don’t you? That’s why you’re having second thoughts”

Aom knew it. She could feel how much Off had changed since Off saw Gun. She was aware of it, the moments he had with Gun, them being buddies under crinkled bed sheets, the time when Off fell for him hard enough that he couldn’t even get up on his own. Honestly, she was furious and jealous of Gun. He was able to get Off’s heart for just three months, but she couldn’t. And she couldn’t even get mad at Off for the man never told her that he could reciprocate her feelings for him—it was her who offered his whole being, she knows what she did was something that he shouldn’t have done at the very first place, but she still did because she would like to test her feeling for Off, it just so happens that the more she tried to get closer to him, the more she falls, but it was all because she had brought it to herself.

“You can just answer me, you know I won’t get mad right?”

He couldn’t choose the exact words to tell her. Off almost thought that he’s already moving on. He was already fine with Aom on his side, giving him the love, he knows he deserves. He felt disgusted of himself—he felt like he just used Aom to satisfy himself during the nights when his body’s asking for it. maybe it wasn’t actually sex that he wanted, maybe it was something else—something that he knew he almost has, something that only Gun can give him. He thought that with Aom, he’ll be able to finally get over the past, but seems like he won’t ever get over Gun.

“P’Off, if you’re feeling guilty just because of me, you better forget about it. You’re making me feel like I’m less of a woman without you”

“Aom it’s not like that”

“I hate it whenever you make excuses, you know?”

Off doesn’t want to leave Aom who offered him so much, his conscience won’t let him sleep at night. It’s true, one of the reasons why he’s having a second thought about accepting Gun is because he felt bad—he felt bad for Aom because no matter how clearly, he told her he’s still not prepared to love, he still took advantage of her weakness and he couldn’t bear, to be honest with her.

“It wasn’t about you”

“Then what’s stopping you to come back to him? Don’t lie to me. I know damn well how to read you, and right now, your eyes keep on telling me that you still love him”

Aom can read him well like a book, maybe because she had been watching him since then. She observes him because he’s the only person that caught her eyes. Those were her happiest moments—when his eyes almost told her that she could be more than a buddy under crinkled bed sheet, but Off’s eyes right now speak something that even the owner would like to deny, she’s starting to felt bad for herself for thinking that she almost had a chance.

“The more you deny it, the more it hurts me”

“Aom”

“P’Off, don’t commit the same mistake that P’Gun had done to you. Don’t give me false hope when you, yourself, is aware that we will never have a chance”

Those words from Aom hit him like a truck. The impact was so strong that he couldn’t even get a chance to respond to her, rather, Off took his steps towards the comfort room. He still needs some time to get himself together. It was true, he was mad at Gun because of coming to him as if he committed nothing not realizing he’s slowly doing the same mistake to Aom. His system still couldn’t take it all.

“I’ll take a shower”

Aom was left sitting on the couch. He stared at Off until he was nowhere in her sight. She knows that Off still won’t admit it to himself, but she knows that she needs to do something—not only for Off but also for her. Her tears start to trickle on her cheeks but she immediately wiped it off.

She took Off’s phone left on the table and looked for the name he knew Off had always saved in his contacts. She saved it on her phone and secretly left a message.

_To: Unknown Number_

_From: Aom_

_This is Aom, can we meet?_

* * *

**_Second Week of February, 2020_ **

**_Vienna, Austria_ **

**_The Famous Demel Café_ **

Gun’s feet were heavy as he makes an entrance with the sophisticated Café. The place is enormous and busy—the first thing that caught his attention were the mouth-watering cakes and pastries displays, which include special creations resembling characters and creatures from Greek Mythology. It couldn’t only satisfy his Geek side, but also his eyes were feasting of how beautiful and extravagant the café is.

He immediately saw Aom waiting on a table for two. She already prepared everything for this meet-up, she was afraid that they’ll be needing to wait in the long line outside for the place is quite popular, not only for the locals but also for the tourists. She had been to the place a couple of times already, and this is one of the best places to serve sweets.

“I’m sorry, did you wait for too long?”

“No, I just arrived”

Gun’s sweating cold because of Aom’s presence. He couldn’t deny that she’s gorgeous—round glassy eyes, plump lips, porcelain skin—he would actually be surprised if Off didn’t lay his eyes on her because even he couldn’t resist the beauty in front of him.

“Are you scared of me?”

“No…I just don’t know what to say”

Aom chuckled, she must say, Gun’s features are indeed appealing to anyone’s eyes. She wasn’t able to look at him for long when she first saw him at Off’s apartment. She wanted him and Off to have some time to talk about things, but she felt like she ruined their moment when she arrived at the place so she would like to make it up for both of them. Now that she’s looking at him directly, she can understand why it was so hard for Off to forget about his face—he’s undeniably stunning.

“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything to you. What would you like to have?”

“Anything will do”

Aom just nods and raised her hand to call for a staff’s attention.

“Haben schon gewählt?” (Has Madam/Sir already made her/his choice?)

A modestly dressed waitress wearing a black dress with lace collar asked. Gun was amazed at how she was able to speak German fluently, although her Thai accent is still audible, the fact that she can have a straight conversation with a native just added to her points.

Few more minutes of waiting and their orders were already served. Both of them were quiet, enjoying the drooling pastries in front of them. It was Gun’s first time to have a full meal without pasta, and he thought he won’t be able to enjoy it, but the food offered by the Café was beyond his expectation. It was something that he’ll definitely try again.

The first few minutes were just him and Aom talking about random things. Both of them trying to get into each other’s light side. Aom was in awe that she and Gun almost have the same interest—dogs, pancakes, cherries, music, and of course, playing the violin.

Both of them also have the same favorite composer—Johann Sebastian Bach. Most of their conversation was about him and how great he was as a classic composer.

“What’s the composition that reminds you of him?”

“Him?”

“Off, what reminds you of Off?”

Aom’s question caught him off-guard. Without him realizing it, Gun’s already curling his toenails under his shoes. He knows that this meeting won’t be just about him and Aom, but mostly, about the man who may not be on their side, but presence still lingers.

“My lie”

“We’re the same,” Aom took another bite of her Sacher cake, “That piece tells his story”

Gun just smiled. Their similarity is uncanny, everything about Aom reminds him of his own.

“P’Gun, I know you’re already aware of the reason why I asked you to meet me right?”

Gun swallowed the lump on his neck. He’s afraid—he’s been thinking since then that Aom’s just so kind to him, but he wasn’t stupid enough to see how much she looked at him after they first met at Off’s apartment—she knows him, and Gun’s suspecting that Off told her about him. It’s something that Aom should be aware of, after all, she’s Off’s girlfriend.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your relationship. I’ll be going back to Canada by the third week of February”

Aom stared at him for a few seconds and laughed. Gun stared back at her, brows knitting because of confusion.

“You’re so kind, are you just going to give him to me?”

“You already have him. You’re his girlfriend”

Aom cleared her throat with the drink she ordered before continuing her laughs. She couldn’t believe that the man in front of her would be willing to leave Off just because he thought that the man already moved on from him.

“I’m not his girlfriend. We just fucked for a couple of times; no strings attached”

No strings attached—it was something that almost made her broke into tears. There were no strings attached for Off, but for her, she already done everything, twisted the last thread of her heart around Off, but the latter won’t even tell her the words she would like to hear.

“You fucked?”

“We did, just like you did before”

Gun was surprised by Aom’s sudden change of character. She was so modest and delicate earlier, but now, she’s too blunt that he almost choked upon hearing those words from her. Aom, on the other hand, just couldn’t take the pain building in her heart so she’s trying so hard to show her strong side only to make their conversation a little less awkward.

“P’Gun, now that you know what he had been doing since you left him, will you still accept P’Off?”

It was a serious question that she throws to Gun. Truthfully, Aom’s wouldn’t like to make this conversation longer for she’s afraid that she’ll burst into tears. She’s doing it, not only for Off or Gun, but also for herself, because the more she holds onto the man he loves, the more she’ll lose herself and she wouldn’t like that to happen.

Gun was hesitant to answer. Lots of things are already running on his mind—the thoughts of Off having sex with someone, the times he probably moans her name, those are probably the most hurtful things he ever imagined. The fact that Off did it with someone else feels like something hit his heart for a million times until it gets crushed.

“Are you disgusted by him?”

“I’m not”

“Then why are you silent”

“I’m hurt”

Aom rested her back on her chair, watching intently at Gun’s lips for the next words that he will say to her. She could feel that her voice will crack so she lifted her glass and drink the remaining beverage on it until it was left no more—like her.

“He was hurt too. You should know that he did that because he was looking for your warmth, it just so happened that I was the only one who’s willing to fulfill your place, though he never did look at me the same way he looked at you”

“You’re a woman. You gave him your whole being, you deserve him better than me”

“We’re already in the 21st century. People should already stop thinking that women are nothing without their virginity. We’re more than that, we can do so much more than satisfying men from their carnal desires. Losing ourselves to someone won’t make us less of a woman but rather it’ll make us more worthy for it only shows how much we can offer for love. So, if you’re feeling sorry about me, please don’t because I won’t accept it”

Aom just gave him a mocking smirk. It was something that she never wanted to hear from anyone. She had been building herself after she realized that Off won’t ever be happy with her. She accepted it wholly, but what makes her sick is the fact that both Off and Gun would like to do things for her just because she threw her body to Off—she doesn’t like the thought of giving her anything she likes, disregarding what they truly feel for each other, just because she and Off had sessions on the bed.

Gun was left with no words to say. His eyes were fixed on his plate, covered with rich chocolate from his cake. He couldn’t even lift his gaze to Aom because of embarrassment. He would like to say sorry, but no more words escape from his lips.

“We’ll be having a duet at the State Opera House by the third week of February”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I would like you to take my place”

“What do you mean?”

“Play with him P’Gun. Take my place which was yours, to begin with”

* * *

**_Third Week of February, 2020_ **

**_The Vienna State Opera House_ **

Everyone’s preparing for the night that they’ve been waiting for. All of the members of the orchestrate are feeling nervous and anxious about the show. They prepared so much for this, it was literally blood, sweat, and tears. The members couldn’t even remember how many times their violinists and celloists’ strings snapped or the moments they had to practice until dawn just to make everything perfect.

They only have a few minutes before they finally step out of the stage and perform the best show to everyone.

“P’Off can we talk?”

Aom’s wearing a white dress which beautifully shows her figure and everyone’s eyes were feasting because of how gorgeous she looks right now. She’s the youngest violinist in their group, so it just shows why everyone’s eyes are fixed on her the moment she entered the backstage.

Off nodded and followed Aom on the side of the backstage where no member is staying. Aom took her seat on an empty chair and Off did the same.

“What is it? is it about the duet later?”

Aom just smile at him and offered her hand. Off doesn’t know what to do but he accepted her hands. Aom grabbed him full force making him lift on his seat and gave Aom an unexpected hug.

Off heard her soft sobs, too soft that it sounds like she’s whispering on his ears. Off didn’t dare to move, rather, he wrapped his arms around Aom’s soft bareback, slowly rubbing it.

“What’s wrong?”

“I love you”

“Aom”

“I love you but I know, you won’t ever be happy with me”

Off doesn’t know what to say. He couldn’t lie about his feelings anymore but he couldn’t even say it to Aom. He knew it was weird that she’s telling these to him a few minutes before they perform. He would like him to stop crying, but he’s afraid that he’ll sound insensitive.

“Please let me hug you for a while. then after this, can we let each other's free?”

Like what Aom asked, Off stayed bending his knees until he felt numb. This is the only thing he could offer to her. No matter how much his lips deny it, maybe, his eyes shout for Gun. Aom already said it to him before, no matter how much he lies, she can read him like an open book, no matter how much he tries to stop his heart from beating for Gun, Aom could hear it clearly—it was never her, but she’s fine with the thought that she was an almost.

“P’Off, P’Gun’s leaving Vienna today”

“What did you say?” Off removed his hands around her and faced Aom.

“You have two options, leave us and ran after him, or play with me and lose him”

****

* * *

****

**_Vienna International Airport_ **

“Are you sure you’ll be leaving? Don’t you like to watch Off play for the last time?”

Jane said on the other line as Gun walks in the busy halls of the airport. Gun carries his baggage as he finds a place where he could rest for a while whilst waiting for his departure.

“I guess so, I’m afraid he’ll push me away if I’ll try to come to him”

“This ain’t you Gun, since when did you start being weak?”

Gun’s eyes found an empty seat on the lounge. The number of passengers is overwhelming in his eyes, different people are walking saying words which he can understand. He rested his head on the wall. He’s too tired because of how large and confusing the airport is. He can’t even have a proper talk with anyone since he’s shy to talk to strangers especially since he’s in a foreign country.

“Ai’ Gun!”

Gun closed his eyes, the fatigue is slowly killing him, the number of sleepless nights is now torturing him and he could hear static sounds. He realized that he’s becoming more unsure of the words he’s saying, maybe because of the anxiety of saying awful words.

“What do you think am I Jane? What do you think I should do at times like this?”

Gun’s indecisiveness became worse and he was well aware of it. He’s still keeping the ticket that Aom gave him last week, he even prepared for the piece that Aom will be playing with Off, but for some reason, he couldn’t decide for himself if he’ll go or not. He’s afraid of how Off might react, if he will still be able to play with him like how they used to before, or if he’ll just stare at him the whole time, not touching the keys of his piano. The fear of the unknown was just so strong that Gun couldn’t even push himself to peek at the opera house until his feet lead him to the airport.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because I don’t know what I should do anymore”

Jane sighed, she already expected that her friend will be like this. Being Gun’s closest friend, it wasn’t something new to her already. He already witnessed Gun’s most confusing moments, even his darkest days, and Gun asking her what he should do won’t actually be easy. She knows she needs to knock on his senses despite being on the other side of the world.

“Would you like to play with him?”

“Yes”

“Have you thrown the ticket?”

“No”

“Do you still love him?”

“Always”

“Then what the fuck are you doing at the Airport? The Gun I knew will come crashing at the Opera House just to get what he wants. Who the hell are you? Bring back my friend”

Gun opened his eyes. He doesn’t know what had gotten into him but he cut the call and stared at the man on his wallpaper, smiling with his eyes almost shut. Gun smiled upon seeing Off’s calm face, he didn’t change his wallpaper since Oab called off the wedding.

He then stood up, dragging his suitcase whilst his plane’s being called, not minding the number of eyes watching as he rushed out of the airport crying.

* * *

**_The Vienna State Opera House_ **

“Aom’s missing!”

Arm ran frantically, he’s been looking for Aom all around the Opera house. Few more minutes and Off and Aom will be playing for their duet already.

Off keeps on calling her, but she wouldn’t even pick up the calls. All of the members of the orchestrate are panicking because of Aom’s sudden disappearance. No one can pull the way she plays with Off, no one practiced the piece aside from her so no one knows who will be brave enough to take her place.

“What the hell she won’t even pick up the call”

Their conductor’s already asking for someone to play a different piece with Off, but no one prepared anything with level 3 piece so it won’t work. Off keeps on scratching his temple. He was blaming himself for what’s happening. Aom insisted on him earlier to follow Gun, but he decided not to. He chose the lesser evil for choosing the large number of people who will be greatly affected for he knows that Gun will surely understand—well he will if he still loves him.

“Ai’Off! she sent me a message”

Off ran to Arm and took his phone. His eyes widened with the message Aom left.

_From: Aom_

_To: Arm_

_Don’t look for me, someone will play with P’Off, someone better than me._

“What act is she trying to pull off?”

Off just stared at the message that Aom sent to Arm and there’s nothing that he could think of aside from who would be the person who will play with him. Off trusts Aom more than anyone in Vienna, not even his parents could give him the sense of assurance that she won’t do something nasty which may lead to everyone’s disappointment.

They saw a member of the orchestra, running towards the conductor with a worried face.

“Three minutes left”

Off took his steps closer to their conductor with a serious face, as he takes deep breathes to calm himself.

“Sir, I’ll play. Someone will play with me so don’t worry”

* * *

Everyone’s murmuring for Off stood alone at the center of the stage. Everyone’s waiting for the next person who will enter but Off already took his step sit in front of the piano, no one still dares to come in. The members are already losing hope, and the viewers’ attention aren’t focused anymore on Off. The people are so confused for they’re expecting to watch a duet and not a solo.

Off’s gaze turned to his co-musicians, and clearly, they’re getting furious about what’s happening. No one was able to find Aom when she was supposed to be easily spotted because of her white shining dress. No one’s saying it, almost all of them are ready to blame the lady once they won’t be able to satisfy the guests.

He looked around the place for a few more minutes, waiting for the person who will save him from the embarrassment he’s into right now. Even he is already losing hope and he’s ready to do a solo just to pull out the show, but he knows that he shouldn’t because it was clearly included in their invitation the piece that they’re supposed to play.

Off started to play the piece. He doesn’t care anymore what might happen. All he was thinking of is to finish the show so he could finally breathe and look for Aom.

Saint-Saëns Triptyque, Op. 136—is a piece arranged for piano and violin duets. It was composed of three contrasting movements, each with a character piece. The prelude, also known as the opening movement of the piece is mostly gentle and wistful with a highly melodic line. Some parts of it also consist of lazy air, filled with modal inflections and rhythms. It’s a composition which will give someone satisfaction once played very well.

He was playing for a minute already when a sound from a violin starts to echoed around the whole opera house. Off eyes turned to the other side of the stage, and there he saw Gun, making his way on the center of the stage, with his violin resting in between his jaw and shoulder. He couldn’t make eye contact with Off and he’s clearly trying to avoid his gaze.

Off smiled upon hearing how Gun’s bow hits the strings of his violin. Everyone’s eyes shifted from the pianist to the violinist. Gun’s wearing a white tuxedo, his hair fixed to show his forehead, his glassy black eyes keeps on charming everyone—he’s too enchanting that every move he makes might be something not worthy to miss.

He missed it, both of them missed playing in front of everyone. It was as if they go back to the first time they played together at LOS, especially since Gun’s wearing white and Off’s wearing black. Off couldn’t deny the happiness that’s building in his chest. The heaviness of his fingers starts to lighten—it feels familiar. It was the feeling that he had been wanting to feel since he left Thailand, the feeling that he was floating because of the beautiful melody being produced by both of them.

Gun didn’t realize how he was so indulged with the feeling that he’s already crying, but not because of pain, rather because of the wave of emotions that he’s feeling right now. Fulfillment—he felt fulfilled because finally, after countless sleepless nights, caused by crying and painful chest, both of them are finally playing at the same stage, in front of lots of people, listening to the music of their hearts.

Everyone was in awe whilst watching the two of them. They look so appealing to the eyes that despite the joyful music, some find themselves crying. It was probably because of the emotion that both Off and Gun were putting on the way they play.

Their duet ended with a standing ovation from guests. Even the members of the orchestrate standing behind the curtains were jumping out of joy for a well-played piece.

Off stood up and run towards Gun, giving him a delightful kiss on the lips. It was something that no one expected, not even Gun himself but then the feeling of longingness that he’s been keeping for long was so strong that he wrapped his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Both of their eyes were shut, feeling each other’s warm breaths, kissing away the pain which tortured their whole being, not minding the eyes of the sea of strangers watching them. The only thing that they could hear was the soft beats of their hearts, creating a silent symphony that only two of them can understand—it was the feeling of belongingness that they could only feel in each other’s arms.

“I love you” Gun cried as soon as their kiss was cut. He said it many times to Off already, but for some reason, it was the sweetest and the most memorable.

“I love you most” Off wiped his tears away, and pressed his lips on Gun forehead, as tears start trickling on his face because of too much happiness.

Off then lifted Gun and turn their faces to the audience, giving a bow to everyone who enjoyed their play. The applause from the viewers became louder, and everyone’s giving them blessings for the best possible show they ever had witnessed. It was something that made their hearts melted.

Aom watches both of them from the crowd, wearing her casual attire with a cap. She never thought that doing this could actually make her felt satisfied. It was as if it’s the best decision she had ever done in her whole life. She smiled as she makes her way out of the Opera House, crying but with no heavy feelings in her heart.

“I hope happiness for those idiots”

She said, in between her sobs as she hailed a taxi leaving the place.

* * *

**_Hundertwasserhaus, Off’s Apartment_ **

“So, you still love me huh?”

Off just smiled whilst lying on Gun’s lap who’s back is resting his at the bed header. Both of them are still wearing their tuxedos from the play earlier. Gun’s playing on his hair whist his eyes were closed as he enjoys Gun’s soft fingers slightly touching his forehead.

“Why did you tell me those words, those were painful,” Gun asked. Off’s words when he first saw him still haunts him until now “You said it was easy for you to forget me, I cried almost every night whilst staying in Vienna”

“I was afraid”

“Afraid?”

“I was afraid that you were just confused and I’ll end up being heartbroken again”

Gun’s smile faded on his lips. Hearing those words from Off made him felt a sting of guilt in his chest.

“Are you still afraid?”

Off opened his eyes and stared at Gun. He could already understand him so he sat and caged Gun in his arms, slowly shaking him and then planted soft kisses in his head.

“Will you leave me?”

Gun just shook his head, his plump lips pouting because of what Off asked.

“Then I shouldn’t be afraid anymore”

Off lifted Gun’s chin to face him. He stared directly in his eyes, assuring that he’s not afraid of anything anymore as long as Gun will be on his side forever. He then gave him his famous eye smile. It was contagious that Gun couldn’t help but smiled back at him.

“I found my music because of you Gun, if I’ll lose you again, I don’t think I’ll be able to find my melody anymore”

“I’m sorry” Gun couldn’t help but break into tears, he was so embarrassed about what he had done to Off which almost broke the latter. "If it wasn't for Aom, I won't be able to have you once again"

“You really know how to get me huh? You know seeing you cry is my weak spot”

Off laughed as he felt Gun’s hands softly hitting him, crunching nose after he cried. Off wiped his tears, and then kissed his forehead. This time, he felt Gun’s soft arms snaked around his waist. They stayed hugging each other on bed as if they wouldn’t like to let go of each other anymore. It was fulfilling, their painful memory of finding each other’s music had finally ended—they finally found each other’s song in both of them, something that they know will finally complete the missing key on their own compositions—love.

“When will be P’Godji and P’Mike’s wedding?”

“March 13”

“So, are we going to hug each other until their wedding, or we’re going to practice for our duet?”

Gun break the hug and lifted his violin placed on the side of Off’s bed. “Can we practice while hugging each other?”

Off chuckled upon hearing Gun’s proposition.

“This is why I love you”

“I love you too”

“Forget the practice, let’s just hug”

Then Off stretched his hands asking for a hug from the man who was once his buddy under crinkled bedsheets, who became the person who helped him discover what it means to play music...

And the same person who will be the theme of his future compositions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, if you reached this ending, I would like to thank you. Honestly, I had no intention of writing an epilogue for this story, but I ended up writing one because Moira's song triggered some ideas. Well anyway, the places I've included here are existing, even the yacht, it was true so you may search on it. Again, thank you very much <3

**Author's Note:**

> hello. Thank you so much for reading. It took me long enough to finish this one. I would also like to thank my friend, @lurazweisieben for the prompt :)


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